Dear Amy Reece,
I met you today. Sort of. Do you remember? I rang you out at the bookstore. I
was that guy who kept trying to talk to you while you batted your eyes standing there looking all cute.
I just want to let you know, that when you first walked into the store I
was really hoping that you would come back and check out at my register. And
you did, bonus! I was quite thrilled. You are so damn hot. I was having
trouble concentrating on what I was doing and I had to recount your change
So while you were shopping I was planning out, what I would say if you did
come back my way. First I was thinking, ok, I can't really tell how old she is
so I'll ask her that. But how am I gonna do that without seeming like a total
jackass. I decided that I would just say "Hey, can I ask you somethin'" and
then ask how old you are. Well, you went and ruined that idea by paying with a
check and I had to see your ID. You look cute on your ID picture too by the
way. Of course I took the coward's way out and looked at your birthday. You were
born in 83. I didn't chance looking any longer to see the month or day. But
hey that's great it means your just a year younger than me.
Since my carefully planned opening had been ruined I had to wing it. I'm sorry
about that. I don't remember what I said, but it was something lame like "Come
here often?". What I really wanted to ask you was "DO YOU LOVE BOOKS AS MUCH
AS I DO AND COME HERE ALL THE TIME SO MAYBE I CAN SEE YOU AND TALK TO YOU
AGAIN!?" That's what I meant to say. Sorry. And you said "No, only when I have
to buy books for school." So I guess that answers my question anyways. Strike
one. I hate the baseball analogy, but I like to think of it like I've got some
certain things I look for and if you don't meet them then well it's like an
answer marked wrong on a test. I shouldn't do this, but there it is. I've
found that when I go against this method it doesn't work out. So there, it's
not really a baseball analogy.
After fumbling your books around I asked if you went to school around here you
said no in the city. Strike two, the city is too far away. Ok not really but
it means I'll be worrying about you all the time and it's
just not good. Previous experience and all. So then I asked for what you are going to school for and you
said interior design. You're way too cute to be majoring in interior design. Or
maybe that fits you just right. Who am I to say. I was strangely repulsed by
this. I don't know why and I don't mean anything against you. But it just
seemed like.. um you know.. majoring in wine tasting. No offense to interior
designers, I'm sure it's a very difficult profession. For some reason I can't
shake the image of stupid TV personalities trying to be eccentric but not too
eccentric on national television. Half a strike.
Ok, this one is the nail in the coffin and it's totally my own fault. See I
should know what color eyes you have, I'm going to guess and say blue? But I
can't really be sure because, well there was this distracting flashy rock
stuck on the side of your nose that I couldn't help but stare at. I didn't
really think it was attractive, but there was no way that I could tear my eyes
from it. Afterward it felt like I'd been staring at your chest. So that was
like strike three. Nose piercings turn me off for no other reason than I think
they are distracting.
So if your wondering why that guy just kind of let the conversation die and
didn't ask you to go out for coffee or ask for your number now you know why.