Two Short True Stories of Libraries: An Introduction

Both of these stories were relayed to me by (another member of staff), and so come with warnings that they may have been embellished along the way. I doubt they have much added, save pauses for dramatic effect. Both occurred in the Central Library.

I: Sex Pests

Long story short, a man was looking at porno on one of the public access PCs in the “Scanner Room”, and then proceeded to show his manhood to a poor woman who happened to be using the other computer. The police were called, but the man had run off, trousers around ankles, as soon as the woman shouted for help.

The Scanner Room is a problem. It’s a dingy little room off to one side of the Reference Library, with two computers equipped with scanners, which the public are free to use. Being a little more secluded than the other computers, it’s a hotbed for internet porn and self-pleasuring perverts. I believe the room is now out-of-bounds until a suitable solution is found.

This event made the Hull Daily Mail. The police need help catching this pervert red handed.

II: Water Sports

A man asks for the RADAR key to the disabled toilets. He returns it dripping with urine. Someone spends the morning disinfecting and dry-retching. We aren’t talking a few drops here. We’re talking dripping with intent.

The incident is duly logged, and as the “customer” is a known troublemaker, management tells us he’s on his last offence. One more incident and he’s banned from the building, and will have to execute his bowel movements and kinky piss-strained rituals elsewhere. The train station, prehaps.

Two True Stories of Libraries: In Conclusion

One easy conclusion to draw from these tales is that I'm not getting paid enough. Another is that the general public, bless them, cannot be trusted not to urinate or masturbate in public places.