Operation Pull Up Quick To Retrieve It

Mission 1 | Mission 2

Baby, please, you must be outta your mind
Do I look like I want your dirty denim?
Listen up, I'm only sayin' this one more time
Can you hear me say that I don't want your dirty denim?

- Excerpt from a Joint Donnas of Staff report “Reasons Against Conflict

People have been asking me how the Operation is going, so I figure I should bring you up to speed. After the inconclusive evening that was Mission 2, I had to admit that I was at a bit of a loss what to do next. Wendy did not give me a clear signal one way or the other, so honestly my remaining plan was simply to hang out with her just as I was doing before, until I eventually grew the fucking balls necessary to just ask her out. Yes, I know this sounds like the pussy way to do things, but let’s face it, that’s how it was going to go down no matter what cockamamie schemes I told myself I was going to try.

So Wendy and Jim (my best friend, who introduced me to the woman in this little soap opera) their other roommate threw a little end of summer barbecue at their place. Naturally I was invited and there was a pretty large turnout, mostly Notre Dame people that I didn’t know, but a smattering of some of my other friends were there. So there was sitting and talking and watching football and eating. Wendy was too busy being super-hostess for me to get much of a chance to talk with her.

My oldest female friend Elizabeth comes over to me while her fiancée Mike and I are swearing at a group of large men’s inability to throw a brown ball to each other with any sort of precision, and she says “I don’t know about this whole ‘You and Wendy’ thing.”


“I mean she doesn’t seem right for you”

“But you just met her tonight!”


It is at this point that I realize she is bluffing me. I give her a hard look and say, “All right, spill.” And after some prodding Elizabeth tells me the whole story. Apparently Wendy had caught onto my intentions and had a talk with Jim about it, who then later ended up mentioning to Elizabeth. Wendy said she felt that it probably wasn’t a good idea for us to start a relationship because there would be too much interference from the fact that she was living with one of my friends. Would I be coming over to see my girlfriend Wendy or my friend Jim? When she and I would want to go off alone he might be around and I would have to tell him to back off. And what if the relationship went sour? How awkward would those visits be when I came over to hang with Jim?

The question of whether or not these reasons are valid and true I leave as an exercise to the reader.

Now hearing this news was a disappointment, but it certainly wasn’t surprising or devastating. I realized that in the pursuing of any relationship there is always a chance of rejection, so I undertook this whole action with a “Hey, just give it a shot” attitude, because the possible benefits certainly outweighed any negative outcomes. So this was somewhat expected. C’est la vie.

After receiving the news, a small smile spread across my face as I said “Well, I guess that brings an end to Operation Pull Up Quick To Retrieve It.”

Mike suddenly turned to me, laughing, “Dude, that kicks ass! That is the best name I ever heard for…AWWW CATCH THE DAMN BALL, SON!!”

So him and me get along pretty well.

Today is also my birthday and, appropriately enough, I have been reading the writeups in I was supposed to be somebody by the age of 23 and I was thinking about what I wanted to be, what my life goals were, job, money, wife, kids, etc. What would it take to define me as a “somebody”?

And I realized that I already have it. In many facets of my life I am surrounded by wonderful people. I have many friends that, in the words of borgo, “I think would crawl over broken glass if I asked them to. I know I would do the same, if not more.” I have a job that pays me enough money to let me live in the style that I wish, and I will be finally finishing college soon. Habakkuk hits it right on the head with his contribution to the node “But if being somebody means investing in the lives of your friends and family then you will find the rest of this stuff just doesn't matter.”

Damn straight.

I also share a birthday with B.B. King, Lauren Bacall, Tim Raines, Mickey Rourke, Allen Funt, Peter Falk, and Kurt Fuller (a total “that guycharacter actor who was in No Holds Barred (“Jockass!!”) and Wayne’s World). Quite a diverse and cool group if there ever was one.