I’m probably going to be using the words “cool” and “awesome” a lot because they are the best adjectives for the kind of time I had. And I’m too lazy to think up other words.

My story for the meet actually starts three weeks before we even got together. I still live at home (yes, poor college student, I suck), and I had to explain to my parents where I was going for an entire weekend. There really wasn’t a problem of them saying no, just the weirdness of having to describe E2 and what a nodermeet was. My Dad pretty much took it all in stride, every once in a while he can be the “cool dad.” My Mom on the other hand had more misgivings. The conversation kinda went like this:

Me: I belong to this website called Everything2, it’s like this big community where people write stuff and talk to each other. There’s a lot of college kids, and it’s really cool.

Mom: Yeah, so?

Me: Well they sometimes have these gatherings, there was one in Boston last week and there were like seventy people there. There are a bunch of people in New York and London that meet all the time. So this girl in Iowa is throwing a party and I’m gonna go.

Mom: Wait, you only know these people from online? Who runs this site?

Me: Umm, yeah. The site is run by a bunch of users that are the Gods

Mom: Wait a minute! Gods? What is this, like a cult?!?

Me: No! It’s not a cult…

And it was all sort of downhill from there. Needless to say I knew she was freaked out about me going, but she ended up hiding it pretty well.

The next obstacle was the fact that I have no car. (hold on, you still live at home and you have no car. you must be a real killer with the ladies). Natch put out the call that I needed a ride, and lucky for me sublies quickly responded that he could pick me up on the way.

Soon the fateful Friday rolled around, but sublies was nowhere to be seen. He called me and said he was going to be late because some problems cropped up at his work. He was supposed to originally come at noon, but eventually made it to my house at about 5:30. And not a moment too soon, for I could feel the bad vibes coming off my parents growing by the minute. The ride to Iowa was uneventful, but sublies did introduce me to the wicked stylings of Deltron 3030 and we bopped our heads to the phat beats.

Around 9:00 we reached the apartment and met the noders already there: LitBolt, enth, Sir.Cracked, erikbjo, and, of course, our hostess the incomparable NatchLucid. Apparently erikbjo only stopped by to give us pizza and booze and then he had to leave. He also brought his iPod, but refused to give that to us, the cheap bastard. What followed was standard talking and getting to know each other. I did make a bit of a misstep when I referred to Natch as being an “environmental superfreak.” You see, in my little world terms like “weird” and “freak” are very complementary, “weird” usually meaning “interesting/cool/worthy of attention”, and “freak” meaning that you really care about something. Unfortunately, all this got me was a dirty look from the host, and required me to explain myself later. We watched Sir.Cracked’s DVD of Clerks: The Animated Series. I had seen the two episodes that aired on ABC and thought they were OK, but the unaired ones were much better. The one where Jay sues Dante is still the best, and it provided us with one of the most quoted lines of the gathering. “Who is driving? OH NO, Bear is driving! How can that be?!?”

Later, we busted out the eat poop you cat. THIS IS THE FUNNEST GAME EVER!! The fact that I have no drawing skillz at all only made the game better. One of the sentences was “Space monkey + Earth = DISASTER!” and we spent the rest of the meet shouting other things that when they are put together also equal DISASTER!, most of them involving LitBolt. At this time, chancel and jmc showed up and we played a few more rounds. It was then off to the cemetery to check out the Black Angel statue. I had fun because there is nothing I love more than being outside on a cool night. There were actually stars! Living with all the light pollution in Chicago, I can’t remember the last time I saw a sky full of stars. I could have stayed out there all night. The angel was really cool and the fact that the light above it’s head winked out just as we approached made everything a little scary. As NatchLucid intoned the story of the Black Angel, the light flipped back on and we started to hear strange animal noises from off in the distance. Chancel got a little freaked, so we headed back. It later turned out that it was some of Sir.Cracked’s friends making the noise and we placed a pox upon them all.

We bedded down in Natch’s living room without any problem. On Saturday morning, sublies busted out this little controller that had like eight old-skool Atari games loaded onto it. Most were pretty poor, but it did have Pitfall, and it helped pass the time as people showered and got ready. We all piled into the cars and made our way to the campground. Unfortunately, Lake MacBride was not what we expected, really just a glorified parking lot in the middle of the woods. There was no isolation or distance from the other campers, something very necessary for the drinking and debauchery that would follow that night. We decided to proceed back to the apartment, but only after following Sir.Cracked for a little while when he thought of another place to check out. After getting back we immediately busted out the booze and the BBQ. To help get the fire started, NatchLucid burned a copy of The Fountainhead, and there was cheering among the assembled noders. She also proceeded to quickly down three shots of Hot Damn 100. I nursed a vodka tonic as I waited for Martian_Bob to practice his grill-fu on the bratwurst.

The conversation was rolling as everyone was having fun in the sun. Some of the vegetarians present were outing themselves, when suddenly a very pretty face leaned in front of me and…


I had just received my first Natch-kiss of the evening. She and I proceeded to have a very odd (remember, odd can be good) GTKY conversation. We both told each other some stuff about ourselves while the others discussed grad school (yuck!) and philosophy (double yuck!). Girlface finally showed up and everyone chowed down and drank some more. Chancel drinks Jack Daniels straight out the bottle. She is hardcore.

We went back inside and staged the Battle of the Mascots. Chancel and jmc had to drop out due to the fact that jmc was drunk off his ass and he needed to be nursed back to health. (Hold on to her, man, she’s got the touch). I had never done any role-playing before, so I wasn’t sure how this whole thing would go. Turns out it was just like telling a story, you made up something your character would do and the esteemed GM (LitBolt) told us the outcome. Girlface’s Spoon eventually won, but I feel that Cooler, my Pound Puppy, and his half-dog/half-bonobo monkey son got robbed. It was also during this game that enth made his “weird vodka+cranberry juice+citron+sprite thing” and it was good. That boy has liquid gold on his hands.

At this point the dancing began. I was never much for the stuff, but Natch, always being the good hostess, pulled me out for one swing on the floor. After that we started up the dirty Jenga game. It was not as dirty as I thought it would be, but still lots of fun. I received a great foot massage from NatchLucid and got to lick whip cream off of everyone. I also managed to get a little tongue action from Girlface and..uhhh..sublies, too. Other highlights include Firebomb reading the fellatio section of the Kama Sutra with no pants on and LitBolt reciting a love haiku to Girlface. You can’t really write about dirty jenga, you must experience it. Final nudity count: 0 boobies, 1 schlong, and many asses.

The game finally wrapped up just before sunrise, and everyone went off to bed. We woke up the next morning and watched some Twin Peaks. I had never seen the show before, only heard about its supreme weirdness. How did this ever get on the air? After the show, a debate ensued on where we should go to eat. We eventually headed off to Perkins where I had to settle for an omelet instead of my usual post-drunken breakfast of corned beef hash.

After breakfast me and sublies had to leave. The ride home was uneventful; both of us were tired as hell. When I got back home, it turned out that half of my extended family was at my house eating dinner, and my parents had fully informed them of my little trip. I was forced to yet again explain what the hell E2 was and why I had gone to Iowa. I also had to endure several lines of questioning from my uncles (“Were there any chicks?” Yes) and cousins (“Were they hot?” Yes).

Overall I had an unbelievable time. I got mix CD’s from both chancel and enth. I haven’t listened to enth’s yet, but chancel’s is excellent! Everyone I met was cool, funny, interesting, awesome and everything in between. Special extra mad props must go to NatchLucid for throwing the party and keeping everything together even when things didn’t go as planned. I also have to give her super secret gratitude for..well..other stuff.

What meeting would be complete without a set of the inside jokes spawned during the gathering. Here is a list of the choice quotes I heard that I remembered to write down:

The Phrases That Pay
(in chronological order)

  • “We could hijack a lesbian.” – Natch, on how we can fulfill the E2 trinity
  • LitBolt + (blank) = DISASTER! – My vote for this meet’s meme
  • “I don’t ask for much, just my crap on a little shelf.” – jmc, on his essential needs
  • “Are you doing a line of whip cream off your arm?” – a startled noder (Sir.Cracked?) watching NatchLucid have some fun.
  • “Cool monkey asks: “Would you like some cheese?” – My favorite of the eat poop you cat lines.
  • “Hi! My name is “Freeway,” I’m like “Frogger” only infinitely crappier.” – LitBolt, on a very bad Atari game.
  • “The vinyl hit is the real work.” – jmc, on how you get really stoned in a tent.
  • “Are we talking cool in terms of “Wow, that’s cool” or cool in terms of “0 degrees Kelvin” – FireBomb, trying to get his definitions straight.
  • “What are you doing here so late? You missed all the sobriety” – Said to Girlface upon her late arrival.
  • “I’ll stop talking about getting laid, and talking about Emily Dickinson.” – jmc, already drunk.
  • “I like to shoot my plastic discs gangsta style” – BrooksMarlin, holding the gun sideways.
  • “That (blank) is as black as the soul of the man that killed my wife” – BrooksMarlin, parodying Max Payne
  • “All your magic pencils are belong to us!” – Sir.Cracked declaring he holds the copyright on magic cartoon pencils
  • “Do not picture me!! I work in words department!!” – LitBolt and chancel, desperately trying not to be photographed
  • “Show me were the bad noders touched you.” – NatchLucid, on what the cops will ask the underage LitBolt after this meet
  • “I’ve wanted to do that all night. I want to lick your bald bald head!” – Girlface to LitBolt during dirty Jenga
  • “You just ruined my creative process, you pantsless bitch!” – LitBolt after being interrupted by FireBomb while trying to think up a haiku
  • Lay on my shoulder
    You think my bald head is cool
    Fuck! I’m underage
    LitBolt’s haiku to Girlface
  • “We had sex. The End. It was the best.” – BrooksMarlin, explaining NatchLucid’s best sexual experience for her
  • “Girl-on-girl body shots++” - LitBolt talking about his favorite part of dirty jenga.
  • “Ugh! Consciousness--“ - LitBolt upon waking up Sunday morning.
  • “Overusing the plus plus and minus minus--“ - LitBolt, finally reigning himself in.