An Everything Quest!

Son? Eric? Please stop kicking daddy's seat. He's trying to drive.

That wasn't our exit, Nancy. No. We want 19. Bakersfield. That didn't say 19. I'm - I'm aware of that.

I know what I'm doing.


Ground Rules

Nancy, please. That was not exit 19 back there. Which one of us is wearing glasses again? Oh, that's right. Really? I didn't know they taught road signs at Vassar. Enlighten me further.

I told you not to call me G.E.D. in front of the kids. I told you. I told you plainly. Cut the shit, I know you heard me, because -

A G.E.D. is a special kind of diploma, Eric. 

No... no, it's not quite like mommy's diploma. Yes, I know she keeps hers framed in the office. Yes, mine would probably look very nice next to hers, but... listen, son, it's complicated. How's your game going? What are you playing? Pokémon? Is that fun? Did you get the Balbazak yet?  Bulb- wait- bulb- he's your favorite?

Daddy's sorry, Eric.  He should have known.

Daddy shouldn't have cursed either.

Yes. Yes, I will put money in the swear jar when I get home. I will put one dollar in there, because - yes.  Because we were in the car. Robert?  Are you awake back there? ...Give me a little credit, it's been five whole days, ha ha ha.


Times, Dates, and REWARDS

We'll finish this discussion at the hotel, Nancy.

Really? We're dragging this up again? Eric, son, you weren't crazy about the turtleneck aunt Stacy got you, huh? Back in Frazier Park? You told me yourself -

My boy is talking, Nancy.

Okay. Our boy. Yes. I know we've been married since he - okay, is that necessary?  I told you not to call me that -

You know what? My boy is talking. Doesn't feel good, does it.

I'm watching the road. Yes, I am. Look. Eyes on the road. All fifteen-hundred straight-assed miles of it.

Daddy's sorry. Another dollar.

Did you see that damn sweater? Look, I like your sister, but she forgets the entire world doesn't live in some crunchy goddamn suburb - and - what? What? Nancy, my boy's running around the tasting and his neck's looking like a goddamned foreskin, just what in the exact fuck do you suggest I should have said -

Daddy's sorry. No. Your neck doesn't look like a - it's - I'll tell you when you're older, son.


Things Left Out

I'm sorry.

Yes. Two more dollars. Three.

You're a very handsome boy. Very handsome. A very handsome neck.

(84 minutes of silence)

Nancy, he sees me. Why would someone pass on a two-laner if they couldn't see? Okay, I'm braking. Are you happy?

Okay, dude, you have room. Get over.

Get over.

Get oooOOOO JESUS FUCK OH FUCK FUCK OH Christ. Oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

We can't - we can't stop, Nancy. Do you know CPR? Did you charge your goddamn phone? You fucking learn that at Vassar? I -


I'm sorry.

People are pulling over. Can we keep going now? We can't do anything.

Eric, please just drop it. Just don't think right now. Don't think. We'll forget about all this. I promise we will. Robert, please just be quiet.