Does God exist? Is life just a meaningless accident or is there more to it than that? These questions have puzzled countless philosophers throughout the ages and stumped some of history's most intelligent individuals, but I can tell you the answer! There is a God, and here's why you should believe in Him, in just 8 short reasons (really, who needs a whole 10?):

1. A race as divisive, violent and downright sadistic as mankind could surely not be related to the gentle, sensitive mountain gorilla or the noble orangutan. The human race could only have originated in a special, separate act of creation.

2. Think back to the most tragic events of your life. These events could not have simply been unfortunate coincidences: you could not unaided have dug so many holes for yourself or placed so many barriers in your own way. There is a guiding presence at work in your life, tripping you up and stamping on you every step of the way.

3. Take a look at all the horror and misery in the world around you. A world as terrible as this one could not have arisen by random chance alone; unrelenting suffering and pain on such a devastating scale could only have been achieved by careful, calculated planning.

4. It might be comforting to think that you and all the people you hate will someday pass away and that you'll finally be able to rest your weary mind in oblivion, but to entertain such a hope is, of course, unrealistically optimistic. You may as well resign yourself to having to face the mind-numbing eternity of the afterlife as well.

5. As a human being you are weak, servile, pathetic and insignificant. You need to vicariously live through the achievements of an all-powerful deity in order to derive any kind of satisfaction from your worthless existence.

6. No one here on Earth likes you, so why not invent an imaginary friend who talks to you in your head, loves you, and is omnipotent? Why not call him Jesus?

7. Approximately 95% of the world are religious in some way. So many rational, intelligent, freethinking human beings could not all be deluding themselves.

8. Next time you walk down a street, take a look around you. Observe that about fifty percent of the people are on the opposite side to you. That's not just coincidence; it's because they're avoiding you. This has nothing to do with God. This is because you smell funny. But God can fix that.

this node was getting to be much too long. time to change to subject please and thank you.