Lynyrd Skynyrd, a band with three guitarists, attempts to write 'Free Bird'
(in the style of the immortal 'The Troggs Tapes')

Part I: The Fuckin' Twelve-String
Mike Skynyrd:   Right lads, I've come up with this guitar part here.

(he plays the guitar)

Mike:           You see? Dah-dah, dah-dah, that's it, right there. 
                That's what we need.
Dave Skynyrd:   Look, do that again.
Phil Skynyrd:   Dah-dah, dahdah-dah?
Mike:           No, it's dah-dah, dah-dah, here.

(plays, but slightly differently)

Phil:           Dah dah dah?
Dave:           How about dah-dah-dah, dah-dah?

(plays similar riff, but with a twelve-string guitar)

Phil:           No, look, that's too fuckin' much. You're making it
                too... fuckin'...
Mike:           Dah-dah-dahdah?
Dave:           No, dah-dah-dah, fuckin' just like that, like you
                were playing it fuckin' then.
Mike:           I was playing 'dah-dah, dah-dah', look...
Phil:           No, no, you were playing 'dah-dah, dahdah-dah', the
                fuckin'... fuckin' second fuckin' time, the first
                fuckin' time you were playing...
Mike:           No, look, I was fuckin' playing it like this...
Dave:           You were playing it different the fuckin' second time.
Mike:           I had a fuckin' different fuckin' tone the second time.
                I was thinking of it on the fuckin' twelve-string,
                because it just has this magic... sparkle to it, see?
Dave:           Well, I just fuckin' played it on the fuckin'
                twelve-string, and you said it was fuckin' wrong.
Mike:           No, you fuckin' played it fuckin' differently.
                It was dah-dah, fuckin' dah-dah.


(fade out)

Part II: The Fuckin' Drums

(it is half past three in the morning)

Mike:           You see? It's no fuckin' good on the twelve-string.
Dave:           Can we track it?
John Skynyrd:   Can I do my bit on the drums, now? I've come up with
Phil:           We've done that, we worked that out. The fuckin'
                drums are not a problem. That's okay, we need a really
                fuckin' good riff here, that's the thing.
Mike:           Although a good drum part can make a song, make you
                really... listen to the different...
John:           Yeah.
Phil:           But nobody's going to fuckin' hear the fuckin' drums
                if there isn't a fuckin' riff at the fuckin' start,
                because the fuckin' drums come in fuckin' later.
Mike:           We could start off with the drums... like in that
Phil:           No, we've fuckin' done that already, on the other
                fuckin' song... we can't just start off with the
                fuckin' drums on every song.
John:           It could be a big thing, drum music, you know? A
                concept, just an album starting off with drums, and
                then... more drums.
Mike:           After the drums... more drums?
John:           Yeah. And then, after the more drums...
                yet more drums.
Phil:           Look, it doesn't matter if we start off with
                fuckin' drums, we need to work out this fuckin' riff.
Mike:           AH! But now you say it doesn't matter if we...
Dave:           It does matter.

(the rest is silence)

(To explain: As a British person growing up with television in the 1980s I was not exposed to Lynyrd Skynyrd at all. The band mean almost nothing in the UK, apart from 'Sweet Home Alabama' which pops up in adverts every so often. Therefore my only knowledge of 'Free Bird' until extremely recently came from reading about it rather than hearing it. On hearing it for the first time - shortly after hearing 'Stairway to Heaven' for the first time - it struck me that there is a man soloing on the guitar all the way through the first half of the song, which becomes annoying very quickly. The soloing makes sense in the context of the latter half of the song, because it's supposed to be guitar overkill, and very entertaining it is too, but it's out of place during the vocal phase. It was pointed out to me that the band had three guitarists, which seemed like a nightmare recipe for confusion, which reminded me of the Troggs Tapes, and voila).