Possible slogans for a campaign to encourage people to grow their own food:
"Gardening: It's like putting your hands into a big bowl of chocolate"
"Gardening: Do not hesitate to harvest the crop; God will not hesitate to harvest you"
"Gardening: It will be a silent world. Silent and beautiful."
"Gardening: A century from now nobody will bother."
"Gardening: If you take it seriously enough, nobody will think it odd if you were to seriously consider applying for a shotgun certificate. And also if you were to purchase large quantities of ammonia, nitro-cellulose, soap powder, nails and the like. And an umarked van in which to carry them all. And some of those pressurised oxygen cylinders. And a bandsaw. And a vice. Hammers. Quicklime. A large plastic tub. Tarpaulin. Wire. Some of that orange plastic rope. Bolt cutters. Pitons. Glue. Cloth. Tyre. And a lot of bands."
Taglines for films
I believe Hollywood films would recoup their costs at a much greater rate if the taglines, instead of being pithy epigrams, were instead anagrams:
Road to Perdition: A rod - not rope! Diit!
(which is a real line of dialogue from the film, in which Jude Law argues with a fellow gangster as to the best method of killing Tom Hanks. 'Diit' is of course Dutch for 'idiot' and is used here as a pejorative. Used as a tagline, this phrase captures the atmosphere of the film).
The Adventures of Pluto Nash: Torture! Hen van! Shot of ludes! Paf!
(this attempts to capture the freewheeling nature of comedy; but also the serious undertones of the plot, which involves gangsters. A van full of hens is inherently funny, which is why I have included it).
The Bourne Identity: Titty bun hedoneir
(this emphasises Matt Damon's female appeal, a 'hedoneir' obviously being one who enjoys 'hedonism')
My Big Fat Greek Wedding: My Big Geek Wedding - Fart
(it's a comedy, right? And lonely internet ladies might want to see it)
(a reference to the technological bent of the film)
(which is the title put in ascending numerical order, which is the kind of thing a totalitarian state might do. Also '1948', which - and this is a true piece of trivia - was a reference to the final score of the Rugby League final that year, 19-48, Wigan vs Imperial Coal and Gas. Orwell was a big fan of Rugby, because it is a group sport)
I have put a lot of effort into these and I believe that they cannot fail.
There was something in the Times an age ago about how the managers at Enron divided up their employees into A, B and C categories, whereby the A people were given huge bonuses and lots of praise, the B people were given a little bit of money and a hug, and the C people were forced to work in a gravel pit, with a holographic projection of Superman standing behind them, bleeding, gasping 'you... you killed me... but why?' through gritted teeth.
This practice was called 'Thank and yank'. It was developed by an American think-tank. A Yank think-tank.
The report concluded that the Yank think-tank's 'Thank and Yank' stank.
And was one of the reasons
why Enron was sneezin'
and their profits were freezin'
Wall Street took a tumble
the banks were ready to rumble
'cause Enron stumbled
That little rap did not come from the Times, although it was prompted by the Times. It was a sign o' the Times.
Five characterful names taken from the 'Vexatious Litigants' section of 'Court News', dating back to the 1800s
PITCHFORTH, Samuel Abraham
SMURTHWAITE, Ellen Sarah
'Samuel Abraham Pitchforth' would be an excellent name for one of those Michigan Militia
types; it's Biblical, it has 'Abraham' in it, and 'Pitchforth' sounds both salt-of-the-earth farming stock and also a bit clever and aggressive ('Freeman' would be too obvious). I envisage this man having grand ambitions, a plan to set America to rights, which will amount to a website with some reviews of guns, and regular letters to the local newspaper.