How Amoeba Protozoa Gets Rid of a Tailgater

The following method is simple and time-tested, however, the standard disclaimer1 does apply:

  1. Depress the brake-pedal just enough to engage the tail-lights of your vehicle and after a brief moment, release the pressure to create a flash of light. Repeat this three or four times to signal your annoyance.
  2. If the tailgater persists or further decreases the distance between your vehicles, slow your vehicle down gradually by removing pressure from the gas-pedal.
  3. After your vehicle has deccelerated by 10 or more miles per hour, downshift the trasmission; or, if your transmission is an automatic one, make preparations to accelerate.
  4. With your left foot, depress the brake pedal slightly to engage your tail-lights.
  5. Quickly stomp down on the gas-pedal.
  6. As your now ex-tailgater slams on their brakes in panic from your still-engaged tail-lights, turn around and wave goodbye.

1: Amoeba Protozoa is not responsible for injury or damage, including but not limited to, persons, property, animals small and large, the ozone layer, or the space-time continuum; resulting from the proper or improper execution of this or any simular procedure. Results may vary. Void where prohibited. May contain small parts. Adult supervision recommended.