My
neighbor is
psychic.
I've only been living where I am now for three or four months, and already my neighbor has filed three noise complaints against me and believes I want to kill her, rape her corpse, and then cut her up into little pieces.
But really, it's not my fault.
The trouble first started with the noise complaints. I got two in a week and then the third only a week later. Every single time the complaint was filed, a security guard would come to investigate. He would knock on the door, I would greet him and he would explain why he was there. Then he would realize the music wasn't really that loud, smoke a bowl with me, then be on his merry way. Life was good.
Then one day I finally saw this neighbor who keeps herself hidden from me. I saw her when she was exiting her apartment one evening while I was doing my laundry. She's this frail little East Indian woman who looked like she would break if you looked at her the wrong way. She kind of turned away quickly and almost fell down the stairs leading to the parking lots in her haste.
A few days later, I actually saw her in the stairwell as I was going down to my car. I smiled and waved, then said "Hello" to her. She responded by hiding her purse in her coat and ducking into the nearest corner she could find. She began to shake her fist at me, screaming at me to stay away in broken English. At first I tried to calm her by telling her I wasn't going to attack her and I was just saying hello.
At that moment, she yelled something very loud that resembled "rape". I didn't even stand there to respond. I made good time running to my car, though I almost broke the key trying to get my doors unlocked.
My neighbor has never met me before, yet she already has come to the conclusion that I'm some loud, obnoxious person who likes to annoy her with my loud music and that I want her body in some weird perverted way. She must be psychic. Or at least she belives that in her own little world.