Once again, I am awake in the dark, lonely hours of the morning. Not once this week have I slept before 8 a.m. I wonder how i will resume the normal night-sleep pattern once my (joyously long) christmas holidays finish...

I'm not sure where to write this, or whether to write it at all, but it seems that I have found yet another group to look up to, but never be a part of. It seems to be a recurring theme in my life; to find people who I respect and then somehow convince myself that no one wants to hear my opinion, that I would be better to remain quiet, and unnoticed.

I sound like someone bewailing their unfortunate lot... but I am not a victim here, not by any stretch of the imagination, as little as I am a victim anywhere else. I'm forcing isolation on myself(and oh doesn't it feel good). I'm my own wicked stepmother, not letting myself out to play in the real world, knocking myself at every opportunity. I don't need anyone to victimise me; I do it all by myself.

I had told myself I was just going to write this to myself, and not post it up. I don't know whether to... but if anyone actually reads this, it means I'll have actually mustered the will to press that button