Kinder eggs, tasty chocolate confections with cool little toys with TONS of TINY pieces in them, are not available in the United States. Those of us who adore the little $0.80 creations are bitter that we have to go to another country, or mail-order them, because of our inept idea of "safety" or some such nonsense.

I say, don't worry about "may contain small parts". In fact, bring Kinder Eggs with SMALLER pieces into the US. Take all the warnings off of them. We don't need to fight natural selection any longer, we need to encourage it.

That's right, I'm suggesting natural selection by Kinder Egg. And curling iron. And toxic kitchen cleansers.

If you're too dumb to realize that an electric appliance in water MIGHT be hazardous when it's still plugged in, you shouldn't BREED.

When these children grow out of their larval phase and start putting everything in their mouths, buy their family a BASKET of Kinder Eggs. If they can't discipline their child, or keep an eye on it long enough to stop it from inhaling tiny racecar or frog or rabbit parts, then they shouldn't have had children in the first place*.

Everyone wants someone else to do their parenting for them.

This rant was brought to you by the number 2 and the letter G

*Which is why I don't want kids 5 days out of 7.