Hello! This guide is meant for those who are
uncreative, and are looking to turn this
character flaw around! Ever have a day at work when you just couldn't think of a
turnkey solution to the problem presented by a departmental shift? Ever have a day where your children were bickering in the car, and you just couldn't stand it one more moment? Ever forget your anniversary? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, read on!
So, you've taken the big first step:
admitting that you're a flawed human being. Congratulations! Now that your delusions of grandeur/normalcy have been trampled under the iron hooves of reality, you're free to begin your ascension to the ranks of the creative!
Get ready!
Part 1: Being creative, motherfucker
This is a very important step, which is why it's labelled step 1. There are several key components to being truly creative:
- Let your mind wander, and see what it brings back!
- "Foul" language is creative, motherfucker.
- Open a dictionary, pick a word, then turn sixty pages and pick a word randomly off of that page. Combine them for an inspiration!
- Depression is inherently creative. Get your Significant Other to help you with this, by asking them to dump your sorry, unimaginative ass! Or, if you're in a shitty relationship, do everything you can to preserve it!
As an example:
I'm wallowing in my despair, you dumb bastard! My girlfriend left me, and pitcher xylophones like fluffy kittens!
Those two sentences were enormously creative! Amazing, isn't it?
Part 2: Inspiration
Someone once said that invention is 99%
perspiration, 1% inspiration. Well, he must've been one sweaty guy, since nothing could be further from the truth! The truth is that
you can sweat over anything, but it's inspiration that you must wait for! I, for example, was waiting for the inspiration for this
guide. This involved intense days of
Warcraft III, followed by exhausting evenings seeing movies with my
girlfriend. Boy, those days certainly were
grueling, never knowing when inspiration would strike. I had to carry around a pen everywhere with me! Even in the bathroom! Many of the ideas for this guide are, in fact, copied from the top part of my right thigh!
Part 3: Expression
So, you've got the basics of creativity and inspiration down, but what do you do with it all? Express it, of course! Share it with all of your friends, family and random people you see on the street! There are several methods to this, and it would be wise to pick one and learn it well before moving onto the next...just kidding! Try them all, and remember: if you get odd looks or get asked to stop, you're just ahead of your time!
- Books, pamphlets, written works (this includes writing your idea on your thigh and showing it to people)
- Shouting
- Making colorful chalk designs on the sidewalk, and pitching umbrellas so that your brilliance doesn't wash away when it rains.
- Shouting
- Complex mime patterns
- Shouting while being a mime (very avant garde!)
- Making designs out of kleenex on a street corner, and crying whenever anyone sneezes
- Shouting at the kleenex
These are merely simple ideas to get you on the path to your imagination! Remember, it's up to you to figure out your own preferable method of expression! This also absolves me and everyone involved with this guide from libel!
Part 4: Learning when to shut the hell up and listen
Hahaha, just kidding! If you're truly creative, then what other people say is
inconsequential. They either don't understand what you're trying to say, or are jealous that they didn't think of it first. Being truly imaginative requires never shutting
your goddamn trap!
Part 5: Conclusion
In conclusion, that's all you need to learn to be creative! Apply this to your website, your front lawn, your school projects, whatever! And remember: don't be quiet, be creative!
This is supposed to be a satire/humor piece. Don't take it all too seriously.