It's my birthday today, godamnit. It wasn't yesterday, and it won't be tomorrow, so I didn't and won't mind the fact that I'm too poor and unemployed to celebrate, (thanks to what seems to be employers' prejudice against non-US nationals). Today however, I do mind; but I'm going to try and not let it bring me down too much, though a good feed and a bit of a smoke would be good for sure.

It's odd though, my first birthday in America. They started celebrating back home in England over six hours ago by GMT, or they would have, if I wasn't unknown to anyone but my friends and family. So I'm just going to be partying in my meager way with my super-wife Jennifer (which is just fine thank you) and my Father in law (which is also fine since I can't afford to smoke any today anyway) and I'll probably spend a lot of time with my mates back home over Yahoo Instant Messenger since I can't afford to phone either. How odd, again, to have almost an entire social life in cyber space; you hear jokes about the idea, but I really do!

Damn I miss England though. Not being in England per se, but to be around my friends and family and everything I know, where I can guarantee finding a good smoke because no mate of mine there would let me spend a birthday completely sober and straight. Where I could go anywhere I want because I have friends everywhere. Where, frankly, I don't need too much money to have fun because I was there long enough to know how to bluff my way through anything.

It's not that I dislike living in America, actually I quite like it, even though we live in Oklahoma City which can be a tad boring at times. But I don't fit in here yet, and it's days like these which really let me know that. I have friends here, just about, but I don't really relate to any of them yet. I'm a permanent outsider, notable only for a "sexy" or "charming" accent and as a database of answers to questions like, "Hey, is it true you have socialised medicine over there?" or "Is it true you eat blood pudding?" (the answers to which are both: Yes. And they're crap. And bad for you. Not to mention, "What's with the royal family?" like I know what's with them!)

I guess I need to polish up my social skills. I'm practicing my "Y'all" as hard as I can but I can't go as far as getting to like Country and Western or Hip Hop, or frankly, too much beer. Call me snob but I find these things kind of crass and they're all that seem to go on around here. Still, it's me that's having the dodgy birthday, so maybe I should lighten up a spot.

I have my wife, at least after she returns from work; I have my Dad-in-law who'll probably buy us dinner at a BBQ shack (my choice, one part of American culture I can't get enough of). My wife will be wonderful and so sensitive to the fact that I'm away from everything else that matters to me, and that's going to be more than enough for sure. And who knows, someone might even pop round for a smoke!

Still, being foreign sucks sometimes.