Stuart is lying on the couch thumbing through a magazine. His house mate Freddie enters the room.
Freddie:
Did you get the mail?
Stuart:
There is no mail. Today’s a holiday.
Freddie:
It is? What holiday?
Stuart:
It’s Columbus Day.
Freddie:
Oh! That’s right...October 12th right? It’s not big on my list of holidays. It’s right up there with Ground Hog Day!
Stuart:
You know I am convinced he was an alcoholic.
Freddie:
Who?
Stuart:
Columbus!
Freddie:
How do you figure?
Stuart:
Well, when he got here he didn’t have clue where he was. When he got back home he didn’t know where he had been. And a woman had to pay for it.
Freddie:
And he didn’t discover America! It was some Spanish guy who was on watch that night. Pedro somebody or another. He spotted land ahead and when they went to get Christopher he said, “Oh yeah, I saw lights about a half an hour ago.”
Stuart:
See another symptom of Alcoholism. He was a liar!
Freddie:
Figuring they were doing about 10 knots and they were about 30 miles off shore and given the curve of the earth he couldn’t possibly have seen any lights.
Stuart:
See he was seeing things that weren’t there!
Freddie:
Or not!
Stuart:
I’m telling you this guy was an alkie!
Freddie:
So you see all these years we should be celebrating Pedro Day.
Stuart:
You know what Colombo means?
Freddie:
It’s that big fat cop on that TV show, no?
Stuart:
No, I think you are thinking of Cannon. Columbo was the one eyed cop in the dirty raincoat! It means Dove:
Freddie:
That’s pretty heavy. The dove is a symbol of Peace. Christopher Dove.
Stuart:
And his was one of the most un-peaceful conquests of any from the get go.
Freddie:
Yeah, and unmerciful! In one day alone, he beheaded or killed or raped over 3000 innocent Indians.
Stuart:
You mean Native Americans! They only call them Indians because some WOP got lost!
Alex enters the room.
Alex:
Hey, did you guys happen to pick up the mail?
Stuart:
There isn’t any. Today’s a holiday.
Alex:
October? It’s not Halloween is it?
Freddie:
No it’s Pedro Day.
Alex:
Huh?