A chance encounter, highly unlikely considering she is far away now--physically and emotionally. She wears headphones, brown apparel, and a hip-hop walk.

I noticed her from a block away. We're walking towards each other. She's on a park pathway which leads to an intersection where I am crossing. She doesn't notice me as we approach, doesn't look in my direction--it doesn't seem as if she does this purposefully, more like she's just unaware of my presence. I greet her. Not hearing me, she passes by. I stop, turn in her direction and address her again. We face each other.
Bullshit talk, most likely about school and home: fake laughs and fake smiles--nothing like how it used to be, with love and all. I lose myself in the conversation thinking that she isn't the same as before. She has an air about her, almost like an I've-crossed-the-line-into-adulthood-and-now-look-down-upon-you-because-of-my-two-year-relationship attitude. Her apparel, her walk: the way she holds herself. Is it that I view her differently--am I jealous, have I changed? Or is it that she has an altered personality?

I always saw her as beautiful. Never cared about her physical appearance. Just another piece of her puzzle. She's thin now--thin bodied and thin faced: she's weathered. The wholesome beauty, the humid feeling of outgoing acceptance--the part that accepted and cared about me--is gone. All I see are the lines of her face. I am lost in her frailty.

Three years of silence. Maybe it's not that she has changed. Maybe it's not that I have, either. Maybe we've lost each other. Maybe I've lost my illusions. feb. 18...think i've lost myself