I don't have your skill for words and abstractions, so bear with me. I don't know, you are right about life being a sort of death march. But, there are the things that make it worth it, like love and beauty. Things that are so simple and natural can stir such passionate emotions in us, and it would be a shame to waste it. A mind like yours is what gives humanity a chance at success. You can appreciate both the beauty and the tragedy, and such things aren't wasted on me either, though I wouldn't ascend to say that I am somehow the universe' gift to humanity. I can't tell you anything that will help you cope with what's going on, suffice to say that the tragedy would be to wander forever without applying your energy and making life good for you. You deserve the things you were never given, but you have to take them. I only hope that this makes sense, but perhaps you already knew these things.