The Goo

Usage: "I have The Goo" or "hhhmmm, The Goo..."

Defn: 'The Goo' is the is the name given to the thought; 'hhmmmm, I would not mind an auld drink now', usually accompanied by a slight wetting of the lips and even at times a rubbing/wringing of the hands. It can be, but by no means has to be, accompanied by the thought '...perhaps a few nice Pints of Guinness...'

The Goo can be experienced by anyone, it is not exclusive to the heavy drinker club (although Goo regularity certainly increases with increased consumption).

BEWARE The Goo can be very insidious, it loves to sneak up on you when you are least expecting it, always be on the look out for it. It starts with a feeling that there is something amiss, perhaps a slight feeling of discomfort, you might be just about to finish work and you get this nagging feeling that there is something you have to do - THIS IS THE APPROACH OF THE GOO. You could just be sitting there at about 5:30, fiddling with your mouse and then BOOM the thought hits you....'hhmmmm, I would not mind an auld drink now' - your fate is now sealed, The Goo has landed.

What to do with The Goo?

You have two choices:

Embrace The Goo - Call your friends, inform them that you have The Goo (see Usage above), if they are really your friends they will have a nice Pint of Guinness waiting for you on your arrival in the Pub. If they do not then they are just evil imposters and should be killed - immediately.

Fight The Goo - It is not always advisable to Embrace The Goo, there are times when The Goo must be defeated (pressing appointments - dinner with the spouse, AA meetings, E2 write-ups to do etc). To do this it is imperitave you realise you are in the clutches of The Goo. Once Goo status has been confirmed the battle may commence. If The Goo in not too bad, it is possible through sheer strength of will to resist it. However for severe cases of The Goo try using Guilt/Fear, the Husband/Wife will kill me, poor little Timmy will be so disappointed etc. Last resort: try aversion therapy: think of drink - stick pin in eye, think of drink - stick pin in eye.

The Goo is out there, wiating for you to drop your guard - the greatest thing The Goo ever did was convince you it does not Exist.