Don't Drink and Vote
-- National Barking Spider Resurgence Party Slogan
The National Barking Spider Resurgence Party was formed in the late fall of 1999 after the untimely death of Pat Paulsen, a repeat independent candidate for the presidency of the United States, as well as the end of Bloom County/Outland in newspapers. The party's name is derived from the slang term "barking spider," which refers to audible flatulence, a sure sign of an election year.
Today's National Barking Spider Resurgence Party is truly determined to renew America's most basic bargains: triple coupon Saturdays and ballots even a child can fathom.
-- National Barking Spider Resurgence Party Mission Statement
The party was founded by Mike Bay in 1999 to fill the legacy held by Pat Paulsen in providing an outsider perspective on insider politics. With the almost-simultaneous end to the Berkeley Breathed comic strip Outland, Bay decided to deem the party the National Barking Spider Resurgence Party in honor of the strip's perspective on American politics.
The party has generated a political platform and endorsed a presidential nominee in both 2000 and 2004. Both times, Mike Bay received the nomination and in 2000 appeared on the ballot in three states, each of which required only a notification of candidacy to be listed. Due to the ballot counting confusion in the 2000 presidential election, Mike Bay was denied his rightful electoral votes as the chosen candidate of the state of Florida, gracefully stepping aside and allowing George W. Bush to become president.
NBSRP On Policy
Every party promises something ludicrous during the course of a campaign: Dubya promised smaller government; John Kerry promises millions of jobs he can't deliver on. Our promise, on the other hand, is easily kept, and caters to two different, but very vital voting blocs: pet owners and PetsMart.
-- Mike Bay, after being asked about the "pet bed in every dog house" plank of the NBSRP platform
Most of the policies of the NBSRP revolve around getting government control out of most institutions. A summary of the party's stances on various issues follows.
Taxes: Eliminate most of the income tax down to a low flat rate, then charge a nationwide sales tax on everything. Eliminate all double taxations, and fire all tax lawyers.
Abortion: This quote from the NBSRP platform says it best: "Get over the so-called 'progressive' notion that you aren't responsible for your own actions. Get responsible, or take your 'blame everyone else but yourself' ass to France, where irresponsibility and blaming someone else is a national pastime."
The Environment: The party is in favor of clean air and clean water policies. And, according to the platform, the only reason New Jersey has more hazardous material dumpsites and California has more fiscally bankrupting liberal lawyers is that New Jersey had first choice.
Alternative Energy: It's what the party is all about; we must harness the excess methane produced and synthesize it into useable fuels.
Girl Scout cookies: The NBSRP pledges to spend $25 annually during the Girl Scout cookie drive, preferably on Thin Mints.
Foreign Policy: We shouldn't enforce our way of life on the rest of the world and should instead use careful diplomacy and understanding.
Edewekashun: Education currently sucks in America. Eliminate the Department of Education and return school control to individual states, allowing different states to provide different levels of educational support. This means bad schools in Mississippi and good schools in Colorado.
Meatloaf: The party wholeheartedly supports meatloaf, but is also supportive of a special soyloaf option for those of vegetarian persuasion. On the important issue of Bat Out of Hell II, the party does not take an active stance.
The Long Road to the White House: Bay/Cogan 2004
Know the slogan... vote Bay and Cogan!
In 2004, the party again selected Mike Bay as their presidential nominee, and this time he selected a running mate: Dave Cogan, who conducted an active campaign for the slot on his website, http://campaign.zangstreet.de/. You'll notice that Cogan's website is in Germany; that is because Dave Cogan is a German and not an American citizen.
Before you consider jumping wholeheartedly on the Bay/Cogan bandwagon and donating to the party via the internet, you should know that Dave Cogan's website includes the following note: I’m not even going to vote for me, and if I had any money, I wouldn’t give me a campaign contribution.
Is This An Authentic Political Movement?
The National Barking Spider Resurgence Party in and of itself isn't representative of a movement, but it is clearly part of the same voter dissatisfaction that spawned similar "parties" and campaigns in the past, such as Pat Paulsen's political campaigns of yesteryear. Groups such as the NBSRP are in fact a strong representation of the late 20th and early 21st century phenomena of well informed but dissatisfied voters who use sarcasm as their tool for expression of their disillusionment.
For More Information...
For more information on the National Barking Spider Resurgence Party, visit http://www.outofthinair.homestead.com/NBSRParty.html (accessed July 17, 2004). For more information on the Mike Bay candidacy for President of the United States, visit http://campaign.zangstreet.de/.