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Last night was the "Back to School
street party" event here at school. It was your typical school sponsored event. School leaders who you'll never see again got up and spoke and said nice optomistic things like: "Our school is the best!", "This is the best freshman class ever!" (hey now, they told me mine was the best!), "Go
vote!" and "Remember to vote for bonds to help schooling!". I wasn't sure when it had turned into a political rally, but even though we were all in the band standing up front we managed to make fun of it. I even came back after band for the party/social/free food part of it, mostly for the Anime club and for the people I wanted to see.
I'm usually not one for those kind of parties.
I feel more alone in a large crowd than I do in an empty room. I got to see a lot of people though. I saw a girl from my highschool who a good friend went to prom with and dated briefly. I didn't know her well. It was one of those odd meetings. A point in common. Not much more. Awkward brief obligatory conversation. Nice to see her, but I obviously didn't matter much to her. I also saw a friend with whom I was very close with last year. She was one of those
people who meander briefly through your life and change you forever. It was very bittersweet to see her. I had missed her a lot, and had written her a few emails over the past few months. All of which went unanswered. So, but it was a
mix of emotions when I saw her again, hair in two braids and
spreading sunshine as always. I had missed her, but upon seeing her there was a lot of internal pain, knowing how close we had been and how far apart we were now.
That's what usually pains me about people in general, and why the crowd of people last night made me sad. I've tasted what true friendship is like and anything that plays at being that pales in comparison. It hurts me to not be close to people I really care about, especially when I have been close to them in the past. I don't mean to be elitist about my friendships, or even to imply that I know a lot about friendship or what it should be. It's just that I've had really good past experiences with incredible close friendships, and it hurts me when I can't find people to share that with here.
But it wasn't all bad...
*happy*, I got a lot of hugs (and later in the night a lot of backrubs
*drooooool*) and so that certainly made me a very happy person. I'm quite a cat like that: pet me and I'll just purr happily.
*happy* My roommate (see
yesterday's
Day Log, which for some reason is now my highest voted writeup by a factor of two and a half) managed to somehow
connive his way into a single on the nice side of campus in a great dorm, and is moving out tommorrow. I could perhaps have a room to myself. Blissful privacy!
*smile* *bounce* *bounce* *bounce*