The noise around consumes me. I let it roll over me like a crashing wave, engulfing my very being. Thoughts flood my mind, unspoken, unable to break free. I hear my name, it pulls at me from my hidden place, reality snaps back in. I look around and smile, tonight was a good idea. I am surrounded by friends and coworkers. It is an odd feeling to me that they can be the same. I pull away from my cloak of distraction and realize the reason my attention was called. I smile at the server and tell a joke to mask my delay, the table laughs and I order another drink. The conversation flows freely tonight. Here, I can be myself.

I talk of work now, of policies and thoughts. I see them in my mind, a swirling panorama of ideas and concepts that seems to me as real as any object around me. I wonder idly if anyone can see them as I can. The talk around me drifts to politics. I laugh inside and wonder if people see the end of the world as I do. I smile and push the conflict out of my mind. Tonight is not about me, it is about friends. I look over at her, our guest. Tonight is about her. Thoughts spill through my mind, a torrent of curiosity. The intrigue cuts through me like a knife. The things I will never know sometimes hurt more than the many things that I do.

I have known her for many months, yet I have never met her until this week. A strange thing that can happen in today's age. Technology, I feel the mirth inside me bubbling. The very thing that pays for my living is often the thing that confuses me the most. I remember the first day my eyes saw her. Through the grainy picture of virtual training. She is as mysterious to me now as she was then. The sound of her voice echoes in my head. I realize how strange it is to think such thoughts. Myself, who has never believed in destiny. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul"

I hold my drink close to me. The alcohol fills the gaps in my soul and clouds the arguments of my heart. Drinks, food, friends. The night is still young. I have all that I need. My own words fall empty at my feet. The night continues on. Words spill from my mouth. I enjoy this exchange of thoughts and emotions. To be free with ones thoughts is a pleasure many do not know. I take what freedom I can.

Laughter fades as our night starts to draw to a close, or so we believe. For some the drunkenness is a lack of control, a weakness. For others, it is our escape. Need drives us on. More drinks, more talk, more fun. As the night draws on our escape draws nearer. I share many laughs and thoughts, but some I keep for myself. We talk of drugs, of the freedom that they bring. She is still with us. I see her smile and laugh. I feel the same rush of thoughts take over me. We share moments and thoughts, and a cigarette as well. She is ever as I imagined. I cannot think these thoughts, I am bound by promises and vows. Yet there is something that we share, murmurs that both of our hearts feel. I feel this connection. I wonder if she feels it as well. I feel my need, burning inside me. A fire that lights my soul, a fire that I forever put out.

The night grows old, yet it is still early. Yet again we face a decision. Only the loneliest now will continue. We still feel the need for oblivion, that sweet surrender of our consciousness. To forget our needs and fears. That is why we continue. We search, ever trying to silence the demons inside.

Now there are two. Lost souls in search of answers. We continue on, not ready to give in to sleep. We are in her car. We must keep going, she tells me of the drinks back at her room. It is raining now, I feel the wetness of it on my face. We stop for cigarettes. She needs to use the restroom. I buy my pack and step outside to light up. I don't look away, I look back for her.

We are off again, chatting idly of all that comes to mind. I love her mind, the thoughts that she thinks are the thoughts that I think. I wonder if she put them there. We are here, I see the vast expanse of the hotel towering above us. We laugh as we walk in from the rain. We take the elevator up to her room. There is more talk, of books now. There is a feeling in the air, electricity. My heart is pounding. I feel the world rushing around me. My lips meet hers. I can feel the softness of her skin as I hold her close. There is a fire in her, the same fire that burns in me. I can feel it now, so strong. It is as if my very soul is on fire. The heat consumes me and draws me in. I can no longer put this out. LongingPainFear... It all burns away. We lie together now, the warmth of her body feeds mine. I feel her, my soul is crying out. I hear hers answer mine.

Even as I write now. I still remember, every curve. Every detail. The shape of her neck. The taste of her tongue against mine. The feel of me inside of her. The smell of her hair. The sound of her voice. I carry her mark even though it is now fading. I feel her with me even now. Though we are so far apart, we are together even now. I will always remember, I will never look back. Until we next shall meet.

Mon amour pour vous brûle toujours...

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