The woman of your dreams

The woman of your dreams is one that may or may not exist. Such is the nature of dreams. I personally use the woman of my dreams as a kind of template off of which I gauge real women. There is a kind of point system although I haven't figured out the exact numbers. Different traits qualify for different point values, but the general idea is that when you meet a person and get to know her, you keep a mental checklist and for every trait of the "dream woman" that the person posesses, they get a certain number of points. For every trait that the person does not posess or is in opposition to, however, they get negative points of the same weight. There are also "bonus points" which aren't necessarily worth negative points if absent, but are worth big positive points if they're present.

When making this kind of checklist, it helps to be as specific as possible. For instance, "She is intelligent" is not as helpful as "She is shrewd and witty, aware of her surroundings, and is whimsically cynical about life."

I'm sure that there are probably a hundred-billion-million of these scattered about Everything, but just as an example, here's ApoxyButt's "Woman of My Dreams Checklist," listed from highest to lowest weightings:

She...

• is friendly to those who do not deserve otherwise.
• is a well-rounded conversationalist.
• has a great smile and uses it often.
• is able to form her own opinions about important social and philosophical issues.
• has a mind that is open to new ideas.
• is shrewd and funny.
• loves to learn new things, no matter what they are.
• takes good care of herself and her appearance. She is not ugly.
• is quick to poke fun at things which she finds stupid or silly.
• is quick to poke fun at herself when she does something stupid or silly.
• She speaks well and often, but knows when not to talk.
• enjoys a good book.
• enjoys a good movie.
• enjoys a bad movie even more.
• isn't afraid of a computer.

Bonus Points

• loves science.
• can program a computer.
• is an expert martial artist.
• has flawless skin, beautiful eyes, silky hair, and a great body.
• loves making music.
• doesn't like to use fiendish female trickery.
• likes to work out.
• is a geek girl.

That's what I've got. Who can one-up me?

On occasion, I've been known to leave my house dressed in a fashion somewhat more scrub-like than my mother would like. On those occasions, she often makes some sort of remark, like

You look like the Wreck of the Hesperus!

Or, more commonly,

I hope you don't meet the woman of your dreams dressed like that!

To which I invariably reply, "If a woman's going to reject me because of what I'm wearing, she's certainly not the woman of my dreams." My mother then gets all flustered, because she's trying to make me look respectable. She doesn't realize that when it comes to what I wear, there are two opinions I respect: one of them's mine, and the other's not yours.