I am living alone for the first time in 28 years.
At least, with no other humans. Me, the cat, the small herd of deer that considers my unmowed lot in the middle of the block a safe zone. No one has complained yet in the nine years since I stopped mowing it. I think the neighbors like the deer having a place that is not their yard.
Should I date?
People say, "What are you doing?"
The first week I slept for 12 hours a night. Now I say "Cleaning up nine years of single mother full time doctor opening my own business." I keep going through piles of paper and putting out 4-5 paper bags full of paper every two weeks for recycling. There is a room where the hideous carpeting needs to be ripped out, the walls need to be painted and then the bamboo flooring is stacked in neat boxes in another room.
Should I date?
My circle of friends has shrunk mightily to the circle that I actually trust. People who do treat me in a way that I consider them friends.
I read Latent and I do not want to date. I am afraid of the unspoken secret code. I am afraid that what it is for too many man is that they agree with "grab her by the pussy" and they admire Bill Cosby for taking what he wanted.
Because, men, you cover up for them. You let them say those things. You let that happen. You don't stop them. Where are the real men? Where are the men who are human and who don't think my gender is lesser and is property and should be dominated?
My patients all have ETSD right now: Election Traumatic Stress Disorder. 41% voting for a man who says that about women and did that? What? and 55% voting for a female, a woman, how could our great country have a pussy running it? What? And then the people who say, how did we come to this? I am ashamed of our people.
I do not want to date. Until the men start outing the Cosbyers, the pussy grabbers, the rapists. I keep thinking, nice penis, too bad it's attached to an asshole. I can buy toys that are not attached to an asshole.
When will we be over gender? When will we be over race? I am sick of it. I rejected the pink dress when I was eleven because I wanted nothing to do with the pink dress pretty girl princess bullshit. I still think it's bullshit. I will date when anyone can wear the pink dress and bows and makeup, any gender. I will date when race and gender are gone......