Principia Discordia
00064
ERISIAN MAGIC(K) RITUAL - THE TURKEY CURSE
"If organized religion is the opium of the masses, then disorganized
religion is the marijuana of the lunatic fringe."
-- Kerry Thornley
Let's talk turkey, shall we? As revealed to the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the evil Curse
of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians everywhere for
their just protection1. When in doubt, add more Sage.
Have I got news for you: The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface and his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function and that a timely
introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize their foundation. The Turkey
Curse is designed solely to counteract negative aneristic vibes and if introduced
into a neutral or positive aneristic setting (like a poet working out word rhythms)
it will prove harmless, or at worst, simply annoying. It is not designed for use
against negative eristic vibes, although it can be used as an eristic vehicle to
introduce positive vibes into a misguided eristic setting. In this instance, it would
be the responsibility of the Erisian Magician to manufacture the vibe check|positive
vibrations] if results are to be achieved. CAUTION - all magic is powerful and
requires courage and integrity on the part of the magician. This ritual, if misused,
can backfire. Positive motivation is essential for self-protection.
TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE
Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs. Face the
particular greyface2 you wish to short-circuit, or towards the direction of the
negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize. To begin, throw your hands (up) in the air, (and) wave them all around like you (just) don't care, then chant, loudly and clearly:
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!3
Polyglots may substitue the phrase: Gluglú, Glu glu, Gubu-gubu, Bldlideldiledl, Gobloblobl!
Anyone with an outrageous French accent may, instead, use: Glou-glou, Glou-glou-glou!
The results will be instantly apparent, although your mileage may vary.
Any of the three phrases will also work in chatting and messaging systems. As context may be important, read the room. Om.
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PSA: It’s that time again. We don’t know who needs to hear this, but it is illegal to cook (or thaw) turkeys in the hot springs at Yellowstone National Park. Boiled, baked, stewed, roasted, brined, spatchcocked, grilled, braised, sous-vide, smoked, and deep fried are all illegal. Turkey jerky is right out. They will ban you from the park!
Just don’t Do It.4
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1Please check applicable local, federal, and industrial regulations.
2Greyface is bad, blackface is worse.
3Only male turkeys gobble. Females chirp and cluck. You do you.
4See 1. Sorry/Not Sorry, Nike.
5Had you check.
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Other viewers also read: The Goat Curse - The Tortoise Curse
The Parable of the Chicken that Crossed the Road
Prickle-Prickle, the 32nd day of The Aftermath in the YOLD 3189
iron noder 00018/00031