Sex is one of the leading causes of both joy and unhappiness in relationships. statistics?
Thus, for your happiness and that of your mate, Get Good at Sex.
This doesn't mean you must have screaming orgasms eight times a day. And you don't have to do it like anybody else, either. The sex that develops between you and your partner is entirely determined by the two of you. For example, I know couples who have sex lives that they describe as happy, with some of the following situations:
- A man and woman who have missionary position intercourse exactly two times a week
- A couple, both of whom have low libidos, who do not have sex at all, prefering to cuddle and eat ice cream.
- A couple who, upon entering middle age, agreed to have sex with others with the other partner present
- A couple who masturbate together as their sole sex act
- A couple who have steamy, passionate sex, but only in cars
The point is that your sex life happiness is determined only by you and your partner. If you are not happy now, the only way to improve the situation is to work to improve your sex life. I am not refering to techniques, positions, or toys; I'm talking about communication and openness.
Here is a rough sketch of the typical steps to improving a sex life:
- Evaluate the current situation.
- Are your needs being met?
- What is your general level of libido? Would you like it to change?
- Is each partner apporximately equal, in terms of satisfaction?
- Is each partner approximately equal, in terms of active participation?
- Open channels of communication.
- Don't force the issue.
- Use patience and understanding.
- Your sex life will probably not change overnight - you have the rest of your life to be happy with this person, so there is no hurry.
- Many causes of sexual unhappiness are emotional or psychological. Such issues certainly will take time and caring to overcome.
- Go back to number 1 and repeat.
- Any improvement is a good thing. Improving sex is an iterative process - but each time you work on it, it gets better. And practicing is fun.
This is a part of The Joy of Pair Bonding that could really use some input from other people. What are your experiences with improving sex life? How can "hang-ups" be overcome?