I always thought I'd be something. When I was a kid, I had a list of at least twenty professions I wanted to be when I grew up
. Some of them were highly improbable, like being a ballet dancer, and some of them were closer to reach, like being a writer or teacher. When I got to high school, my childhood list of professions was no longer relevant to me, but I still believed I'd be something, that I could turn my musical ability into a career, or that I'd go to university
, get a degree and a high paying job.
I dropped out of high school before completing my Tertiary Entrance Exams, thus removing university as a choice. I never dedicated myself to my musical ability, thus removing a music career as a choice. I bummed around, conflicted with indecision about the choices before me. I lacked the clear-minded burning purpose that would dedicate me to a choice and make it happen.
All but one of my friends went to university, but they did not escape the same indecision that beleaguered me. None of us knew what we wanted to make of our lives. Many changed their minds about what they wanted to study, others managed to get their degree and find a job, but were still uncertain that it was what they wanted.
I see this, I feel this, I am this. Optimism is not enough by itself, it also needs motivation and dedication. We are like flags, so full of colour and meaning, eager to share everything with the world but lacking the wind to do so. The flags are all dead at the tops of their poles, just waiting and hoping for a chance breeze to come along and allow us a brief fling with fulfillment. I see the world, full of people who have potential and who have given up, and I now accept this as the reality I live.