Greetings, internets.

I am now so good at the mercenary artist lifestyle that I feel qualified to offer tips on care and feeding. I will now address soy. More specifically, soy in its pure form: soy protein powder.

Similar to flour in appearance and consistency, soy powder can be purchased in bulk from any granola-humping hippie-friendly outlet. I got mine at QFC last time. Added to macaroni and cheese, baked goods, or even the ubiquitous and infinitely versatile ramen noodle, soy protein powder provides much-needed protein to the not-yet-starving artist. I will admit that it does slightly change the taste and texture of foods, but stop whining.

My kodiak bear-like ravenings for protein are only matched in ferocity by my terror of leaving my apartment. Thus it was that I found myself alone and hungry at 3AM, with nothing consumable within reach but olive oil, tap water and soy powder. And in that darkest night, my friends, was the soycake born. And borne. Screaming. Into my gaping maw.


  • soy powder
  • water or milk
  • oil or butter or whatever for cooking
Special Bonus Stage: add seasonings or other junk; whatever you have lying around. I've used cinnamon, ginger, sugar, eggs, basil, salt, pepper, "chicken seasoning", miso, cream, etc. etc. etc. Depends on what you crave at that precise moment.

Now grease frying pan. Combine liquid and powder in bowl. Add liquid and blend until...blended, and vaguely pour- or scoop-able. The chunks never really go away. Ladle a blob into heated pan. Let sizzle. When golden around edges (which tend to bleed out a bit), use spatula or digging claws to shove thinned edges back towards the main mass. Flip. Shove.

When both sides are brownish or gold, up to you, remove from pan and consume however you wish. I just had an unseasoned one with cream cheese and a little strawberry jam. And of course butter. Soy tastes like rubber nothing, so it is the ideal butter vehicle.

In consistency, the finished cake is similar to an english muffin that has been run over by a truck. Thin, unfluffy, slightly bouncy. More-cooked bits are delightfully crunchy, and I am not being sarcastic about the delight. Tastes exactly like whatever you put on it.

I like them because they are cheap, yes, but also because I can destroy cravings for carbohydrates with one. Looks like a pancake, smells like a pancake, tastes like butter, good enough says the stupid, food-processing part of my brain, and cancels Defcarb 4. Actually it's better than a pancake because I'm full after eating ONE. Soycake for teh win.

This is my contribution to mankind. I am spent. Leave me to die.

(actually I have a sneaking suspicion that it could replace flour in a cookie recipe and be awesome, but I have yet to try it. I would show you a picture of the beast, but my camera is broken.)

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