Whenever someone says that they slept on the sofa last night, you can guess very easily what was the cause of their slumber on the sofa.

Oh dear, someone has been a naughty boy...

As I can attest from many nights in the cold living room, the sofa is the punishment for some (usually minor) misdemeanour that caused offence to your partner. These can vary, but I will list the most obvious reasons for sofa sleeping, I’m afraid the cure for these is not yet fully understood by mankind (although probably by womenkind), but I’ll try to give some advice anyway.

Being Drunk

Yes, we’ve all done it, gone out and got rat-arsed, only to stagger back and try amorous advances with a partner who was happily sleeping until you crashed through the door. For your sins (and your breath) you are banished to the couch. However, this is your own fault, sober up and then try to make it up to the person you really annoyed last night.


All couples fight, and the man (at least in my relationship) seems to come off worst most of the time. Since the loser of the fight (me) is deemed wrong I’m confined to the couch to think over my incorrect view. If it happens, don’t use twisted logic – it irritates, don’t twist their words – they hate it, don’t patronise – for the obvious reason, and try to see the other perspective

The Mystery Problem

Probably the worst of them all, you know something is wrong, you know you are somehow the cause, but you have no idea what you did. You won’t be told by your partner – “If you don’t know what you did then you can’t be sorry for it!” I’ve spent days on the couch wondering why my girl friend is pissed at me, and normally it turns out to be a misunderstanding, or something that was not meant as an insult, and so on. Generally best to apologise on general terms, and think very hard as to why you are in the dog house.

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