Just as the party pooper can be counted on to oppose group plans, and generally ruin the day, a party puker serves his or her role by ruining a party.

These insidious beasts lie in wait until the party has reached full swing, when everyone has mellowed, become comfortable with each other, and are just beginning to settle down.

At the point when friendly arguments can be heard over the music, and the host is wondering whether another bottle of vodka will be necessary, the party puker leaves the shadows to rain vomitous hell on the otherwise peaceful celebration.

Stumbling from his or her seat, the party puker makes a feeble attempt to reach a bathroom or sink. Eyes all across the room stare in dull, uncomprehending horror as the party puker stops moving, before explosively spraying out steaming effluvience from seemingly every orifice. An incident of this magnitude can either bring the partiers together through cleanup efforts, or drive them away; hastily mumbling excuses as they rush out the door.

To combat the elusive Party Puker, one dorm party planner created the PACB party, or Puke and Come Back.

The idea was one of the dorm bathrooms would be set aside for party goers to go and vomit whenever they wanted into the bathtub, clean themselves up, then come back for more alcohol and partying. This was all planned out to occur while the RA, or Resident Assistant, was visiting family, so there were no responsible adults at an adult party. Since I didn't drink, I just stopped by to talk and get some free food until the folks began to get drunk and crazy. Of course, it did, and quickly. Couples were having public sex on the beds, someone spilled a beer onto their stereo and blew it up, and I was kind enough to turn mine up with the door open so they'd have some good tunes. I did get to meet a couple of nice young ladies who were tipsy but extracted themselves from the situation and hung out with me in my room. 

In the end, the results of the PACB party were like a dozen Party Pukers were getting paid by the quart. The bathtub was half-filled with some foul-smelling creature that was about to achieve sentience and the janitors refused to clean it or fix the bathtub drain. Someone did bite the bullet and go in to clear it, but I wasn't going to be that man. Besides, I was busy arranging a date with both of the girls in my room.

Iron Noder 2017

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