optometrist's eyedrops

There are two types of these eyedrops that are commonly used in eye exams: Dye and Dilate. They are both fun - for the doctor. For the patient they are just weird. Read on:

Dye
To the casual patient, this is a yellow/orange dye-like substance that lets supposed doctor see what your eye might look like if you were both swimming in cheap, supermarket brand orange juice during the examination. I am not, by any means a casual patient.

"What are in those drops, anyways?"
"Look at my nose, try not to look at this blue light as it comes really close to your eye. Oh, and don't blink.
Those drops? Those are mostly a dye..."

Exam finishes.

"...Oh, and theres some anesthetic in there too."
"Anesthetic? For what?"
(hesitantly)"Well, that blue light you saw actually touches your eye."

I still don't believe him. I didnt feel a thing.

Dilate
This is the fun one. The doctor loads up your defenseless eyes with these drops, and then sends you out into the waiting room with a comforting "Come on back when you can't see straight". So you sit in the waiting room with those bright fluorescent lights above you, trying to read a magazine without letting any light hit your eye directly, and holding the magazine a good 4 feet from your face, so you can actually focus on some of the words on the page.

20 minutes elapse.

An indistinct form almost, but not quite, entirely unlike an optometrist drifts into the room.

(voice from the top end of the form)"So, I guess thats probably kicked in by now, eh?"
"If I could see you, I'd punch you in your constricted pupil."

Apparently these drops dont dilate your pupils. They stop them from constricting. Some people with darker eyes, and according to my doctor, african americans, need a double dose. They need the dilate drops and the non-constrict drops. Poor brown-eyed people.