A dangerous game
This last ingredient is the most important, otherwise it just isn't worth the wounds
. (unless you're drunk and it's a dare, in which case we all know you didn't really have much of a choice in the matter
First, shut the door. The cat will probably try to flee by turning into a liquid, as cats are known to do. Second, don the gloves. These are important especially if you plan on noding tomorrow. Third, place the catnip on the floor in front of you and keep the party hat nearby. When the cat makes a go for the catnip, grab her by the scruff of her neck, plop the hat on her head, and snap the elastic under her chin. Watch in amusement as she races around the room, then tries futilely to pull off the hat. Collect large amounts of money. Repeat on different suckers until nobody thinks your cat will be a challenge and brings in something meaner, like a tiger.
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Disclaimer: I have not tried this, nor do I endorse kitty abuse. Unless it was a bad kitty. No kitty. My pot pie.