losing a friend to love

A few years ago quite by accident I met a girl. We very quickly became great friends and we thought that there was nothing we couldn't talk about. We filled the icq chat buffer on multiple occasions with out conversations. She went to the same school as me so we could talk there as well. After about a month of being best friends we kissed, and thus began the best and worst time of my life.

We were always around each other. People thought we were bound at the hip. We shared absolutely everything and life was good. Fast forward a year and a half. We still loved each other, but tensions were mounting. We no longer felt we could trust each other with every detail of our life. We didn't think that it was appropriate for the one we love to hear everything.

We started growing apart as friends, but we were still lovers. We each became paranoid, her that I was trying to control her, me that she was out looking for another. Eventually the love faltered and she left me.

We had promised to remain friends no matter what happened. A somewhat naive way of doing things, as it's awfully hard to think of someone the same way after you've woken up naked beside them, but we tried. For a short time it worked and we actually became better friends then we were at the end of the relationship.

In the end, however, it faltered due to our history getting in the way. Now we aren't much more than acquaintances, and even that is almost by habit alone.

I miss the love she gave me.
But more than that, I miss the friendship, the kinship that I had with her.
But both have been lost for many months, and recovery of either may cause more pain than it's worth, but I miss them none-the-less.
I don't regret having the love, but I wish it hadn't cost me the friendship.

Losing a friend to love seems to be a common underlying thread in many lives, as time and relationships go on. It's happened to me more than once. Mostly, it happens when someone you've loved and been loved by, moves on , and eventually marries someone else. As you were trying to be friends before, then you hope to continue this friendship while respecting someone else's desires and wishes. Meeting the new spouse presents one with a little trepidation, but with one's best foot forward, you make the best impression you can. Afterwards, a distance grows. Fewer phone calls and birthday cards take the place of once very special visits. And then, one day that you don't even realize has come, the communication ends. Memories; One's left with very special memories instead; and that quiet psychological yearning deep within, that someday, you'll open the door and there she or he will be. It can be a very long wait.