Perhaps the most flattering of many unofficial names for products like "Fizzies": carbonated, "flavored" tablets, meant to be added to (among other suggested liquids) milk.

Please note the quotes--it must be noted that to call such a thing flavor borders upon atrocity. This particular product was made infamous among internet dwellers by "The Ultimate Bad Candy Website" (, though I had the misfortune of trying said product before the warning of said website was available (partly, I admit, because it looked so thoroughly strange and unappealing).

Fizzies are, to all appearance, Alka-Seltzer tablets, except that they may be blue, green, or red, depending upon one's preferred method of torture. The active ingredient is good old carbon dioxide, combined with sugar, citric acid, and some lethal and mysterious flavor yet to be identified. And salt; there's got to be salt in there. It's absolutely sickening.

Now, milk, as you might expect, responds to carbonation in a way that water does not--it holds a head. A big, foamy, off-blue, green, or red head of milk is perhaps the least appealing thing on earth, visually. As far as taste is concerned, it successfully mutes every pleasant aspect of milk while accenting every absolutely awful one: milk becomes bubbly and sour (and strangely warm), with a strong hint of salt and a mysterious berry-like aftertaste (substituting whichever other flavor is chosen for berry, where applicable).

I will leave mockery of the packaging to the aforementioned website, which does a much better job than I ever could of describing this particular brand's failure to market with even the vaguest hint of competence. Think: "The Three Ninjas" meets "Pokemon".

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