I can't be the only one
, can I
I've just realized that I have a terrible failurephobia
. I never really noticed it before, because I've always subconsciously chosen to do things I'm at least decent
at. So just when I think I'm figuring Everything
out, figuring out what flies here, what people like, I post a node I think will probably get voted up some, maybe even cooled
! I try to tap into my creativity, unleash my emotions
, and relate it in a way that other people can appreciate.
And there it sits
, pouting at 0. What did I do wrong
I'm completely humiliated
at the fact that this bothers me. I didn't node again for several days, out of fear that the same thing would happen again. Even now I'm hesitant.
I'm not stupid
, I know that the self-respecting thing to do is brush it off, even revel
it in. I shouldn't need the acceptence of my peers to legitimize my existence. If I've expressed a part of who I am, I've succeeded, right? Einstein
flunked out of school, I can still be somebody, right?
But I find myself unable
to deal with failure
when I thought I would succeed. If this node gets downvoted
, will it be my last node? What a shitty attitude.
Ha, now I have to wonder whether this got downvoted simply because it was bad and someone really does want me never to node again, or if it's because someone's trying to teach me a lesson about accepting defeat. Will I ever know? :-)