Also, one of the primal fears of women
I node after a conversation with my mother. She is fifty and I am nineteen, but we both think in similar ways. We also both have boyfriends. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for almost a year, and my new relationship is about four months old (which impresses me).
And we both need the same amount of space in our relationships. I am a student, in the prime of my life, not in the least bit ready to "settle down" or "commit". She is a single mother, starting a home based business, not in the least bit ready to "settle down" or "commit".
And both of us find ourselves defining limits around our relationships. My mother is feeling so boxed in by her clingy, emotional boyfriend that she feels close to bailing out. I (luckily) have a boyfriend that understands my need for independence and enjoys the comfortable but slow pace of our relationship.
Fear of commitment is not merely men fearing leech-like women. It is a fear of commiting to an idea system that may not be yours. It is the fear of not being able to maintain your identity in the presence of others. It is also the fear of not knowing what you are capable of doing alone; the fear of regretting missed opportunities. I am the only person I will have to live with my entire life, and I want to make sure my relationship with myself is strong before I go diving into another too deeply.
I have always believed that if you are unable to stay away from somebody, you probably should not be in a relationship with them. Love should breed companionship, not need.
Fear of commitment affects us all - men and women.