When my wife and daughter told me about ear candles I thought they were joking. They showed me a box, and I looked to see if they bought it from a Spencer's Gifts closeout sale from their prank section.

Nope, they're real.

They both used them on each other and were grossed out by the blobs of ear wax that was extracted from their heads. They finally convinced me to try it and were in for a real treat. I have a huge head, and that meant giant globs of sticky ear wax. I wasn't a disappointment, producing double the amount of both of them combined.

To use an ear candle, you lay down on your side and have someone else stick one in your ear that is facing upwards. It's not a candle. It's a hollow tube that you light on fire. The fire sucks the air out of your ear through the tube, bringing along a quart of ear wax. I might be exaggerating, but maybe not...

Then you flip over and repeat. 

You only burn it down half way, else you get a nice hair fire. They did seem to work, sucking out the stuff you can't reach with a Q-tip or an ice pick.

Edit: I've had several folks tell me that ear candles are bad and ineffective. See https://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm200277.htm.

Iron Noder 2017

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