Ok, I realize you LOVE the title and CONFESS, you have been fantasizing about the dementors for years, they grab you on a foggy night outside your house, spirit you to the dark side of Harry Potter and do unmentionable things to you involving weasels and you are helpless to do anything except scream with horrified lust...

No, this is not about your prurient imagination. Let the poor Dementors writhe in peace, they hate it when you use them for self sex.

This is serious. Should a demented patient in a nursing home be allowed to have sex with another demented patient?

This gets complicated. I am told by the nursing home RN that the other patient has gotten the green light from the family and physician. Patient one has taken patient two's clothes off already, no one seemed to mind, patient two doesn't remember and they retrieved patient two's checkbook intact.

Wait, I say.

I am asked to write an order that it's ok.

Wait, I say. I have to think about this.

So I am to write an order giving a memory loss person permission to have sex with another memory loss person? Let's think this through. This worries me.

First of all, have I EVER written an order saying it's ok for one person to have sex with another?


Secondly, what if someone is unhappy? I picture myself in a court of law. Patient one is accusing patient two of something. And neither can remember. The attorney says, "Doctor, why did you write an order saying that they could have sex?"

Seems pretty indefensible to me.

Third, there have been sexual abuse cases from nursing homes, where staff have sexually abused patients, who cannot complain and cannot consent. Writing permission seems to open a really nasty door to that.

I call psychiatry and leave a message.

I call a geriatric psych nurse practitioner and ask for a consult. "Yes, I am getting asked this more and more and the nursing homes claim it's ok."

"Then why are they asking me to write an order?"

We both think it's to cover if there IS a problem. So I call my malpractice insurance.

"No. We do not think it is in any way, shape or form ok to give permission or write any sort of order that it is ok for a memory loss person to have sex."

The exception might be husband and wife. But wait, a memory loss person cannot give consent. They can't. That is not something we discuss, is it?

I say no, I will not write that order. The nursing home has to supervise and not let them go off alone. One patient is eventually moved.

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