Breaking up

What happens when a relationship just isn't worth it any longer. It can be mutual but more often then not it's largely one-sided. Depression and bitterness ensue. As excruciating to the soul as vivisection is to the flesh.

I have broken up once. It would have been twice, but for the minor detail that She thought that we weren't going out in the first place... but enough of that. The girl with whom I did break up, kat2003, pulled the just friends line on me... it was my first time. I would have been f*cking ecstatic to be her friend! Not that she cared or anything. Soon enough, she decided that she could not stand being near me ("could not handle being your friend").

A digression into something which will sound utterly pathetic to the more experienced among us:

On the first night we were going out, we had some mildly sexual fantasies... Together... Over the phone. Soon after (I'm not sure exactly when, but within the first week), she brought up the topic of marriage, saying that she would be sooooo depressed if we didn't get married on December 19, 2009 (10 years after we first went out). I was plunged into ecstacy. The next week, we got to actually see each other for the first time since we started going out. I went to her house to "study for the Biology final." We did actually study, but the Real Reason for going over was simply to see each other. Her father absolutely prohibited us to go upstairs, Of Course. So, we sat at the kitchen table reading our Bio notes and finding excuses to lean on each other's shoulders.

(end of digression)

A few weeks later, we almost had a passionate kiss.

She's talked to me once in the last few months, when I said "Hi, you can't talk to me." She mumbled back something that resembled "Hi."

I still feel somewhat bad about it, but the way I was able to continue after we parted was to simply apply a harsh stereotype to her and forget about it. This introduces a subject for profound depression, though, in that my stereotype (she's a bitch) seems to be entirely consistent with her behavior. Viva la estupidez!

When breaking up you should always make an attempt at civility. Although, as you can see above, this is not always possible. Therefore, you should take several steps to ensure that you are not the one that steps out of bounds.

First, think about how you are going to perform the break up at least a day in advance. If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.

Next, refine your reasons for the breakup. Make it appear as though you are doing this because of something that was your fault, whether it is or not. This way the breakee can save face, a small price to pay to avoid having a bitter enemy for life.

Finally, make it quick. Get in and get out. The longer you stand around discussing what could have been, what should be, and how things might turn out, the more likely the breakee is to start throwing out landmine remarks and hurtful jabs. Give them time to cool off, then call and ask them to join you in a platonic activity. If you manage to contact them directly, excuses will probably not be in short supply. If you have to leave a message, chances are they will ignore you and not return your call. Either way, the ball is in his/her court and you have done your best to stay friends. Voila! You can now forget about them and move on.

I have, more or less, broken up with every guy I've ever dated. It has always been easier to end it than to keep it going, because continuing always requires more work. Ending it was always easy for me, awkwardness aside. It's not that I am a cold hearted bitch by nature but was made into one through my own self-defeat. I am currently working through this. Every day, I teeter between ending it and sticking around to see what happens. At the end of every day, the latter wins over the former, so I guess that's a start.

Breaking up sucks. Both ways. I also think that the words describe the feeling quite adequately. You know when you've broken up when you feel something inside breaking.
It's like being thrown out of a window and I know I haven't hit the ground yet. I wonder when I will...

Maybe the ground and I can be friends.

Never shall I have need to remind you of what brought us to this point. Remember words passed between us, remember the bitter embrace, the soiled kiss, and the broken heart and shattered dreams of love eternal. Remember the long battles, the stress, the uneasy trust.

But also remember the sweet, healing laughter, the intensity of our persistence, our drive, our passion...Cherish our special kiss only to be shared with the purest of heart, no less than those of our children. Tell them this kiss is sacred, precious, heartfelt, and special. Remember these five years, my love.

Remember me in your arms crying from the deepest corners of my soul...crying enough for each life I've lived, each heart I've broken, crying for the punishment inflicted upon me...and yet I was given you! My greatest joy, my greatest sorrow. You've given me a new reflection to gaze upon in my mirror.

Thank you for loving me.
But apart we must be.

For Danny.
...some spring cleaning for my soul...skeletons - on clearance, Aisle 6!