One of those sayings that you stole somewhere, and it develops into a whole philosophy with your current circle of friends. This particular one came from Disney's "The Emperor's New Groove." I guess originaly anytime we would say or think something sexual or perverse, we would ask for our hand to be slapped for punishment. After watching the movie it became accustomed to slap the hand and say "bad llama." Now a general "bad llama" is acceptable.

Generally usage goes something like this.

Friend: And so I said to the...
(Gorgeous girl walks past.)
You: I'm sorry I didn't hear what you were saying. (glance back at the girl.) Bad Llama! (SLAP)
He was the bad llama. The worst mother-fuckin' llama around. He had attitude.

His mother was so upset. She would serve up a nice plate of grass (or a shrub on special occasions) and he'd just sneer. He'd go hungry until he found dead insects and birds and he'd nibble on the carcasses in front of the herd. Sure, the diet made him sick, but he wasn't going to be just like the other llamas. He was a rebel. The younger llamas wanted to be him and the girl llamas were attracted to his insect breath.

"Oooh, Llenny! You're so... different," the girls would say, batting their long eyelashes at him. He'd just look the other way.

Then there was the spitting. His dad would tear at his receeding fleece line (that was pretty hard in itself, as llamas have hooves) when his only son refused to spit.

"Oh, Llenny, you're really getting on my nerves. Why don't you spit? Don't you want to assert your masculinity? Don't you ever want to be the dominant male? Even your little sister spits to show the male llamas she's not interested. Please, Llenny!"

He would just shake his head and walk away. He just didn't like spitting. It was just too... normal. And besides, llamas spit out chewed up grass, and he physically couldn't do it because of his insect diet. Not that he wanted to, anyway.

And then there was the humming. All the other llamas hummed when they were sad, scared, tired, hot or uncomfortable, but he just hummed when he felt like it. This meant he sometimes hummed at night when all the other llamas were sleepy. Then Terry, the llama who liked to think he was the lleader, would freak out.

"What's wrong, Llenny? Are you worried? Did you hear something? A dog? Is there a dog out there? Pete, Martin- there's a dog out there! Llenny's humming!"

He'd just amble away. He'd keep humming, just because he felt like it, dammit. Screw Terry and his gang, those stupid spitters.

He dreamt of getting away. He wanted so much to get out of the paddock and run with llamas like him. Sure, he loved his mother and father, and he even tolerated Terry sometimes, but he was different. He was... bad.

Yeah, he'd get out one day, and he'd hum, and not spit, and eat whatever the hell he wanted. His time would come. As soon as the humans left the damn gate open long enough for him to get out of there.

Yes, llamas hum when they're scared. And spit to assert themselves. And they eat a healthy diet of grass, shrubs, wheat, etc. And there was once the bad llama Llenny.

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