So I was watching the movie ”Bridesmaids” the other day when Maya Rudolph (Lillian) gets into an argument with her maid of honor (played by Kristen Wiig) about how the wedding plans are going and how another member of the wedding party is stealing some of the limelight. I wasn’t paying much attention until my ears perked up when I heard the following line.
Lillian: ”You told me not to bleach my butt-hole, and I did it anyway, and now I LOVE my new bleached butt-hole!”
At first I thought to myself that it sounded like some ancient Chinese torture that would befall one of the emperor’s subjects if they found themselves on his wrong side. Then I thought to myself that in this age of just about anything goes when it comes to doing shit to your body that maybe, just maybe, people really do this kind of thing.
As it turns out, they do.
I don’t know who the first “pioneer” was who came up with idea to get their asshole bleached. To tell the truth, I don’t even want to know what the thought process was behind the motivation.
However, if I’m to believe the fine people over at Wiki, they say that the first people to get their anus bleached started in the porn industry. Apparently the “actresses” or “directors” weren’t too keen on seeing the contrast between the color of the anus against the color of normal skin so something needed to be done. As nudity became more prevalent in Hollywood the practice slowly spread to include many mainstream actresses.
Painting your back door white
Thankfully people who want to get their anus all bright and shiny don’t have to use actual bleach. It seems there’s a host of products out there on the market that one can apply to themselves in order to whiten their skin. This means you can apply it yourself or have a friend or lover help you through the process. If you have no fear about the loss of your privacy or sense of shame, there are some spas that will accommodate you. From what I can gather, if you decide to go “pro” the initial cost is somewhere between $100.00/$150.00 dollars. They will then sell you the ointment and you can take matters into your hands from there. After about six to eight weeks of treatments the place you once referred to as “where the sun don't shine
” will be glowing like a cloudless summer evening at dusk.
Believe it or not, laser surgery has also been used to lighten ones anus. (The very thought of someone shooting a laser into my anal area sends chills up my spine and not the good kind.) If you decide to go that route, the process is quicker but the chance of scarring rises exponentially.
Forgive me if I’m getting a little queasy as I write this.
First, as a guy, I’m pretty sure that the practice of anal bleaching is pretty much limited to women. As a white guy, I’m also pretty sure it’s limited to white women. Who knows? I could be wrong and if any of our readers care to chime in on the matter I’m open to any and all comments.
Second, since I’m single and somewhat inhibited I wouldn’t even know how to check to see how my ass was progressing during the bleaching process. My body doesn’t contort the way it once used to and I’d be too embarrassed to ask anybody’s opinion or hold up a mirror to see my reflection.
Last, some people might call me an asshole for even writing about this but hey, at least I’m not a “shining asshole”.