Your Hooliness, Hiphop Nkurumah: I just received a terrible email from my husband. He tried to deposit your cheque, but as I feared, the bank manager, Mr. Hugh Jass, refused to accept it because it was not made payable to 'Chakku Zenkai'. He tried to explain that it was just a speelling mistake but they refused to listen. However, my husband tells me that the cheque is from a Canadian university. So it should not be a problem for us to telephone them first thing in the morning, explain the problem, and have them reissue it in the proper name. ... In a worst case scenario it will arrive in 2-3 business days, at no expense to you. Again, I offer my most grovelling apologies: omae no kaasan debeso. Your Ample Savant, M----- V-----.
My dear M-----, Thanks for the confirmation. It is a great relief to hear that you have finally received the check. I have absolute confidence in you. Now we can be sure of our departure. You know that already we are running behind schedule, please do everything humanly possible to send $7500 immediately to my travels agent so that he can release our tickets so that we can depart immediately. Attached is the name and address of my travels agent for sending money through Western Union money transfer. Name: Austin Ndubuisi, 1 Imaria street, Anthony Village, Lagos, Nigeria. Please, go to the nearest Western Union agent in the shops or gas stations nearest to you, they charge less than the banks, or you can find them in the internet, www.westernunion.com, ask for their agents in your city, from there you will choose the one nearest to you, go to them and send it. Please note that when sending money, if they cannot send the whole money in one transaction, you can send it in two batches, one from a different agent so that you can do it same day. Please the information that will be needed to collect the money are as follows. Name of sender. Name of receiver. mtcn control number. Amount sent. Security question if any. And the answer amount charged by Western Union. Immediately you send the money, send these information to me so that he will immediately collect the money from Western Union branch nearest to him, and he will release our ticket for immediate boarding. As soon as this is done, I will give you our flight schedule. Looking forward to hearing good news from youur gently. Everybody is eager to take off. My wife said that she will be bringing some African fabriques and art works for you as gifts. Could we know your size so that she can get some readymade ones. Looking forward to meeting with you shortly. Remain blessed till we meet. Bishop Nkurumah Robert.
Your Holiness, Bishop Nkurumah: Praise the lord, I have good news for you. My husband tells me that your cheque arrived this morning. He will deposit it in the bank this afternoon. Please let me know the details of your travel agent (address, amount, etc) and I will forward the money right away. I will be returning to Hamilton on the evening of the 16th. Will it still be possible for you to arrive on the 17th as scheduled? If there will be a delay, please let me know so I can reschedule my appointments and meet you at the airport. I will be traveling on the overnight express, so I will not be able to telephone you until late on the 16th or the morning of the 17th. But I am sure there will be no further delays or confusion. ... I look forward to meeting you and your family. Please send your wife my regards: omae no manko wa kusai. Your humble servant, M----- V-----.
Dear M-----, How is the going. Any news of the check? Please where wre you now?, I would want to speak with you on phone. Give me a number to call you. You can also call me on 01123-4803-914-0200. We are getting very worried, my family memebers are getting very unhappy over the delay. I am waiting.
Your Holiness, Bishop Nkurumah: I have been expecting your cheque to arrive in the mail and I am very surprised at the delay. I hope there were no mistakes in the mailing address. The cheque is not likely to arrive today, since we do not receive mail here on Sundays, but I am confident that it will arrive at the beginning of the week. I will notify you as soon as I receive it. Your humble servant, M----- V-----.
Dear M----- V-----, How are you. Long time no talk. I am worried that you have not received your check till today. As you can see, due to delay in your check getting to you, we could not depart as earlier scheduled 10th. We are waiting for you to receive the check. As soon as you confirm receipt, we can arrive with the next flight. Please note that the delay in our arrival will not affect your fee in anyway. You are entitled to your fee as earlier agreed. I regret any inconveniences that this delay might cause you. I will call you on phone later in the evening. Remain blessed while looking forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Bishop Nkurumah.
Good day M----- V-----. The cheque is already on its way to you. You will have to be able to point it out to your bank and of course the should be able to accept it, hence a company name. Please confirm to me as soon as you receive the cheque. Looking forward to meeting with you soonest. Yours truly, Bishop Nkurumah.
Your Lordship, Bishop Nkurumah: I was just re-reading our correspondence in preparation for your arrival, and I noticed that in my hurry to send you my contact details I mis-typed the name to which the cheque must be made payable. It was a foolish mistake, and I hope you do not take it as evidence of the quality of my interpreting skills. 'Chakku zenkai' is spelled with two 'k's. There is unlikely to be any problem with the bank (but you can never be sure), so you might want to cancel your last cheque and send a new one with the name corrected. If there are time constraints, feel free to send the cheque by expedited mail/priority post and deduct the costs from my fee. Otherwise I will explain the error to the bank when the cheque arrives and hope they will accept it anyway. Again, I apologise for any inconvenience this may cause you or your sponsor and I can assure you that no such errors will arise in the future. Your humble servant, M----- V-----.
Dear M----- V-----, How are you today. Sorry for the gap in communication, I went to the country side for outreach with my local branches before travelling to abroad. Be informed that your check have been despatched today to you via your address. Please as soon as you receive the check, confirm with me so that I can give you the details of my travels agent as agreed. Looking orward to meeting with you very soon. Remain in the protective bossom of god while looking forward to meeting with you very soon. Call me on phone after reading this mail. Your truly, Bishop Nkurumah.
Dear V-----, Thanks for your confirmation. I will send you a short message as soon as your cheque is despatched. Looking forward to meeting with you soonest. Bishop Nkurumah
Dear sir, Thank you for your continued interest in my interpreting services. The financial arrangements are unusual, but if you wish to send a cheque, I can ensure that the funds will be distributed to the proper parties. You can mail the cheque to: M----- V----- X XXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXX, XXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX. Note: please make the cheque payable to my corporate name: Chaku Zenkai. As for telephone communication, unfortunately I am currently leading a number of Japanese executives from Toyota on a tour of southern Ontario's automotive plants, so I will not be home to make arrangements by phone. If you wish to contact me on a particular evening, I can arrange to send the name of the hotel I will be staying at, but this would be rather inconvenient and I couldn't guarantee that I would be at the hotel at any particular time. However, I check the email on my laptop frequently, and I have found that written communications leave less chance for misunderstandings. So feel free to email me whenever you have anything you need to bring to my attention. I trust this will not be too inconvenenient. Best, M----- V-----.
Dear V-----, Thanks for your mail. We are coming to Toronto, my travels agent informed me that we wil be staaying in the Fairmont Royal York hotel at 100 front St. West, Toronto. I am ok in with your c$45 p/h. We will take care of all other costs apart from your service fee while you are with us. I need you because my beloved wife is a Japanese and speaks little English, and feel with an interpreter, she will enjoy her holiday to the fullest. We are going to pay you upfront beacuse it is a sponsored trip and we want to be certain everything is taken care of before our departure. It is also very important I inform you that, please we want everything to be concluded urgently because we want to make certain that when once agreement is reached between us and you, immediate arrangement will be made to send the cheque to you by my sponsor. I just spoke with my sponsor couple of minutes ago and he informed me that he will be able to cover any cost to make sure that immediate arrangement for an interpreter is concluded so that it will not affect our intended date of depature, because we will confirm that you have received the cheque and possibly cash it before our departure. Due to the fact that my sponsor came on board after travelling agreement/arrangements have been conclded with my travelling agent, he has agreed to pay back the cost incured with my travelling agent (cost of tickets), he said that for security reasons and for fear of his bank details not to enter wrong hands, he will pay out all the total cost in one cheque in your name so that when you cash the cheque, you will take your own money and then send the balance to the travelling agent to cover for the cost of our tickets. Please confirm to me that you will send the balance of the money that will be sent to you to the travelling agent to cover for the cost of tickets for our travelling. I will be pleased if when giving me all the other details, include your residential mailing address where the cheque will be sent to you. Also send your phone number so that I can call you on phone. It is good hearing from you and looking forward to meeting with you shortly I am waiting. Please send the details and confirmation immediately so that we can send the check on Monday. Remain blessed, Bishop Nkurumah.
Dear Bishop Nkurumah, Thank you for your email. I would be happy to assist your family with Japanese-English interpreting services. I am a native Japanese speaker fluent in English, and I am sure you would be fully satisfied with my work. As a freelance translator/interpreter, my hours are flexible, so if you wish to arrange for my services, I can easily make myself available. However, your letter does not make clear where in Canada you will be traveling. As I live in southern Ontario I am within driving distance of Toronto and Montreal, but if you intend to visit the west coast, it is perhaps better to find someone from that region. I usually require $45 (Cdn)/hr plus actual expenses (transportation, hotel if necessary) to cover my costs, but this fee is negotiable depending on the conditions of the work involved. Of course you are welcome to pay by cashiers cheque or money order. But it is not necessary for you to pay in advance of your visit. If you agree to arrange for my services I trust you will arrive as scheduled and I can assure you I will be prepared. I only request that payment be made at the commencement of my services. Forgive my curiosity, but as you seem perfectly fluent in English and will be traveling to an English-speaking country, I am interested in knowing why you would be needing the services of a Japanese interpreter. Thank you for you inquiry. I look forward to your reply. sincerely, M----- V-----.
Dear sir, I am Bishop Nkurumah Robert. I am an English speaking clergy from Ghana. I will be coming over to Canada on holidays from 17th of September to the 27th September 2005 for a 10 days vacation with my wife, and my lovely daughter of the age of 5 . We will require the services of a Japanese language interpreter for 5 hours daily, 12 noon to 5 pm, though this could be flexibly, for 10 days. We will like to pay in advance of our visit so she can be assured of an interpreter during our visit. Because this is our first visit we are coming strictly on holiday, no conference, no official engagement. An early reply will be appreciated. Please acknowledge if you can offer this service asap and give me a price quote, as time is not really on our side. Please all communications should be channelled strictly to firstname.lastname@example.org include your phone number in your mail so that we can talk on phone. Remain blessed, His Lordship, Bishop Nkurumah Robert. Note that my sponsor will pay for your services in cashier's cheque or money order.
Though evidence of his existence remains in the form of a counterfeit cheque drawn on the account of Memorial University, Newfoundland, His Lordship, Bishop Robert Nkurumah was never heard from again...