If you’ve found this tape then obviously, I’m dead.
I’ve never been very good at lying, Emily, which is why I never spoke much. So you’ll have to forgive me if this seems a bit out of the blue. But this is something that I needed to tell you.
You always told me that you’d watch my lips move as I slept and wondered what I was dreaming of. I was dreaming of this moment and how I’d explain everything. Well, consider this my best attempt at it.
When the ducks started growing knives on their feet I knew it was the beginning of the end. I think that was the point that we all knew that it was the beginning of the end. We’d all thought that we’d properly prepared for the duck revolution, but I don’t think we were. So I only ask one thing of you, listen very closely to my next instructions.
In my top pocket there is a code. This code is the big red button. You can make it all go away with this code, ‘it all’ unfortunately includes you as well. This is the biggest decision you’ll ever have to make, is the best way to save humanity by destroying it? If you don’t use this code then I have left some breadcrumbs with razorblades in them. This will stall the ducks for a while, after that you’re on your own.
I’m so sorry.