Somewhere, on the highway between Denver
and Kansas City
rests the worlds largest groundhog
. There are roadsigns placed nearly every mile along the highway proclaiming all sorts of animal abnormalities
, such as five legged goats and two headed cows. At the end of each sign, in bright white lettering is written "COME AND SEE THE WORLDS LARGEST GROUNDHOG!" as if it is a commandment from God
After nearly 75 miles of these signs, you reach the crossing of the highway with a small dirt road. Off to the side lays a compound closesly guarded with a decrepit fence, large boards half covering the gaping holes on the side. As you approach the compound, the strong smell of livestock/manure/country folk burns inside your nostrils. You reach the door, which you fling open to reveal a small room decorated with skins and various hides, with the entrance desk on the far side of the room. The admission is $4.50. I strongly suggest you don't pay it. I didn't.
I left, ran outside, to the back of the compound, and peered in through a hole in the fence. At first, all I saw was a field filled with groundhog divots, with a few assorted barnyard animals. Then, there it was. The Worlds Largest Groundhog.
It stands about 10 feet tall, crappily constructed of chicken wire, plaster, and a half done paint job. It was the stupidest thing I had seen in a long time. Had I payed admission, I would have not only demanded it back, but something extra as payment for making me stupider
BEWARE THE WORLDS LARGEST GROUNDHOG!