Courtesy of an Episcopalian buddy.
The Real Working Beliefs of Most Episcopalians
Episcopalians occasionally believe in miracles and
sometimes even expect them, particularly during
stewardship canvasses or when electing bishops
or vicars, or recruiting church school teachers.
Episcopalians believe in ecumenical dialogue because
they are certain that after all is said and done,
everyone else is bound to become Episcopalian.
Episcopalians strongly believe in Scripture, tradition
and reason. While they aren't sure what they believe
about these three things, there is almost universal
agreement that that is hardly the point.
Episcopalians believe that everything in their life
and faith is improved by the presence of good food and
drink, not including lime-carrot jello, tropical punch
koolaid, or canned tuna fish in any form.
Episcopalians believe that anything worth doing is
especially worth doing if it has an obscure title
attached to it (e.g. sexton, thurifer, suffragan,
Likewise, Episcopalians believe that any place worth
visiting is greatly enhanced by a name that only
obliquely describes it (e.g., nave, narthex,
sacristy, undercroft, church school supply room).
Episcopalians firmly believe that coffee hour is the
eighth sacrament, but only if the coffee is caffeinated.
Episcopalians believe that anthems are most
efficacious if sung in Latin or German, especially
Episcopalians generally believe that they are the only
people God trusts enough to take the summers off from
Some Episcopalians believe Rite I is the best
expression of the liturgy. Some believe Rite II is
better. Most Episcopalians haven't noticed the
difference; they just hope the whole things gets over