I mean come on! That has got to be the worst dirty trick ever. I mean beyond the fact that we've hunted the poor big lugs to near extinction, on top of that we resort to name calling? We human beings are pathetic! We're so insecure that we have to compare a big hulking cetacean in the sea to those little tiny things with tails that most men only ever notice if they masturbate or help conceive a child.

We're bullies! Admit it! It's childish! Why couldn't we have called them something with a little more dignity? Instead of comparing the things to a small, insignificant bit of spew, why not name them after the most important part of the whole sex thing? Orgasm whales! That would have been a bit more respectful. Or at least Prophylactic whales. But noooooo! We call them sperm whales. As a human race we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Why are we hunting these things, anyway? For blubber? Why not just go up to overweight people and offer free lipsuction if you need blubber so much? You're doing them a favor. They're doing you a favor. But no. We have to go kill sperm whales instead. Okay, so maybe you aren't killing them, but people in Alaska, Canada, Norway, Russia, Greenland, Japan, and Denmark (well. Maybe not Denmark). These countries are killing over five hundred sperm whales per year! Some countries much more than that, and although Greenpeace and other organizations have tried to knock some sense into these people, there's countries like Korea, Chile and Peru that did stop but are considering going back to it. About 15 thousand a year altogether worldwide. Some countries use them because their insides are oily. We got oil. We suck crude oil out of the ground every day by the truckload. There's nothing a whale has that can't be found somewhere else.

It's not like these things are menaces to mankind. Most of the time, (except in the occasional cheesy movie) they never attack human beings unless provoked, and by the time they are provoked by human beings, they're pretty much dead anyway. And it's not like we're even giving them a fair fight. I mean maybe if they had opposable thumbs we could throw harpoons back and forth at each other. Imagine you're a whale. You're about the size of a small bus and you're swimming along minding your own business, when all of the sudden some puny human being starts throwing pointed sticks at you. Wouldn't you fight back? Well, nowadays whale hunters have gotten smarter, and use technology and tactics to make it even more unfair. I mean we certainly wouldn't want to risk human life while we're causing another species to go extinct. Where's the sport in that?

And no I'm not some crazy environmentalist type who hugs trees and boycotts companies and attends rallies and blows up factories. I happen to agree with the sentiments of George Carlin when it comes to saving the Earth: "The world ain't goin' anywhere -- WE ARE." This planet's been spinning around for eons before homo sapiens crawled out of the caves, and it will still spin in space long after we've killed ourselves. I'm not saying we should save the whales. Screw the whales. I'm saying we should stop being such assholes about it.

There's no real reason for human beings to continue systematically hunting down whales to total extinction. It's stupid. It's sickening. It's pathetic. The only reason it continues to happen is because there are men out there making money killing whales. As long as it's financially lucrative for people, they'll do it. What they don't realize is the day they kill the last whale, suddenly their gravy train will be over, and they'll have to turn their attention to causing something else's extinction. The dolphins maybe.

We're jerks. That does it. I'm no longer a human being. I refuse to acknowledge I'm related to stuck stupid pricks.

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