(30th May, 2003)
four days ago,
it was the 26th of May
when you left, daddy
i missed you so much,
i've cried every day
since you've been gone.
i wondered where you went,
i could never find you,
i looked in the laundry closet
and under my bed,
i thought maybe you were playing hide and seek
even though i heard you say goodbye.
i didn't understand why you had to leave,
you said you had to,
i wish you didn't, i miss you all the time.
daddy, where did you go?
why did you have to leave?
something about a war, something about people over there, needing you
i need you. i miss you. i want you.
life isn't the same without you.
so much has happened but you're always on my mind.
i still dream about you,
and in my dreams you're by my side
i wake up and realise you're not here and i hate myself for being alive
if only i could always be with you in my dreams, i'd fall asleep forever.
daddy, i'm 13 now. haha, big girl ey?
not so much.
i'm not bigger than my tears,
not bigger than my need for you.
sometimes you write letters.
i remember in the beginning, i was so excited to get your letters.
now it seems as though they're from a stranger.
i hate hearing about what you do over there
because it reminds me
all the more
that you're not here.
hey dad, i'm 15 now,
i have a boyfriend. he's sweet and i love him soo so much,
i want to spend the rest of my life with him.
did you used to feel that way about mum?
well anyway, i gotta go, he's on the phone.
and dad? i love you. i still do.
everytime my boyfriend hugs me, i remember how you used to wrap me up in your arms, and i cry.
i love him because he reminds me of you.
dad, it's Christmas day. i'll be 18 soon.
i finished yr 12, and i graduated
and when i stood on the stage i pretended you were there in the crowd.
i don't know where you are now.
hmm? the boyfriend? haha, ahh we broke up aaaaaages ago!
yeah, i really loved him, but...
had a few since, not really interested right now.
things have changed so much since you've been gone.
i don't cry about you anymore, and i've accepted that you're not here.
i know you can never come home so i don't wish for it anymore.
i hope you're happy with your new wife, and your kids with her.
i hope you never forget that i'm still yours.
i hope i find another man like you, one day,
he'll pick me up and i'll feel safe in his arms,
even if i'm not.
i'll believe in him like i believed in you
in happy ever after's,
even though i'll know that just like you, he'll tear my heart out when he's gone.