What am I? I have been reading Marion Zimmer Bradley's Heartlight and have begun to ask myself questions for which I do not have the answers. Questions such as: Do I follow a 'white path' or a 'grey path?' I know at least one thing with certainty, I do not follow a 'black path.' The very idea evokes a fear and revulsion in me; I could never stray that far.

However, MZB again has me thinking about and probing my soul for answers. (She is good at that.) In Heartlight, she talks about three colors of magickal lodges; white, black, and grey. Those that serve the light, those that serve the dark, and those that serve the balance. I realize that Wicca isn't a magickal lodge, but I still can't help trying to place myself in one.

**NOTE** The definitions I give in this node are what I have gathered from the MZB book(s) in question unless they are in parentheses. And parentheses also denote my questions.

The white lodges are devoted to conquering the dark, and are diametrically opposed to any compromises with the dark, which they see the followers of grey paths to be doing. I have always accepted the idea that Wicca is a path of light. Is it? Or am I not Wiccan?

White Lodges

Follow the light. (What is the light?) Patriarchal. Monotheistic. "I wish to know in order to serve." Will over power. Specifically, the Greater Will over personal power. "Not my will but thine." Fatherhood of God and motherhood of nature. Not opposed to justified violence. (Who decides what is justified?) Avowed to fight the dark at every opportunity and set the feet of seekers upon the path of light. Ex: OTO, Golden Dawn, Catholicism.

Black Lodges

Follow the darkness. (What is darkness?) Polytheistic(?) Desires personal power, will kill another living being to aquire sed power. Individual will can conquer anything. "My will in all things." Manipulation. Committed to the downfall of the Light and the birth of their own, dark sun. Tries to seduce individuals away from the light. Ex: Satanism(?) Necronomicon.

Grey Lodges

Follow a path that is grey as mist. Follow their own conscience/heart. Shunned by both white and black lodges as being too much of the other. There must be a balance between white and black. Neither can exist without the other to balance it out. Will not let untamed power fall into the hands of the untrained. (Won't give a baby a machine gun as a toy.) Ex: ?...?

Which am I? I know I am not of a black path, the idea is repugnant to me. I think that there has to be some 'evil' to balance out 'good', or else 'good' would become 'normal' and 'evil' would be the 'exciting deviation'. I think that balance is important. If the precarious balance is upset, then chaos reigns while bureacrats argue over whose fault it is and spiritualists pray for salvation. Then this begs the question, is the dark strong enough that the light needs more warriors on their side in order to preserve the balance?

I wonder, am I 'damned' for the heresies I have written here?


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