The love of my life
can't give up smoking
. I hate it
. So does he, apparently. He just can't stop
. Just won't
My grandfather is dying of emphysema after a life-time of smoking. I can barely remember when he was healthy but I love him and it hurts to see him struggle to breathe in a lung full of air.
I don't want this to happen to my gorgeous boy. I want us to get old together, and die together. If I had my way he would never get sick or sad. That's why it's such a huge problem in our relationship.
I know I shouldn't say anything, that he's entitled to live the life he wants for himself. I know that I do things he doesn't like and he doesn't chastise me for them. He accepts me for what I am- imperfect. I just can't do the same.
And he has tried to give up. Patches, hypno-therapy, cold turkey. All to no avail. The more he tries and fails the more disappointed and upset I get. Then he gets upset. It's an awful pattern.
I know I'm selfish and cruel and not a nice girlfriend. I just love him so much I don't ever want to lose him; it's such a shame one of the ways I show it is through nagging, and crying, and yelling.
What can I say; I'm a bitch. In love.