Tracey, Jenna and Marie had been drinking steadily since 7pm. By the time the very weary
landlord escorted them from the pub
, the three girls were louder than the rest of the
drinkers put together. It was Tracey's birthday though, so it was okay, almost expected of
them, really. Besides, it gave people something to talk about in the normally quiet village
The trio fell up the road, staggering their way home, still swigging from the bottles
they'd managed to sneak out of the pub. Jenna stopped singing out of tune long enough to
point out the field.
"Here we are," she slurred. "Short cut. Old man Watson'll be asleep by now." Before
anybody could protest, Jenna was clambering over the gate. On the way down on the other
side, she lost her footing and landed flat on her back in the grass, screeching with
"Right on your arse!" howled Marie, pointing and laughing. She and Tracey began hauling
themselves over the gate, a task made more difficult by their refusal to let go of their
drinks. When they finally made it over, Jenna had managed to get up, and was making
futile efforts to rub the grass and mud stains off her skirt. She straightened up, and
tried to look dignified. The other two fell about laughing again, and they all staggered
off into the field.
After ten minutes of walking, it became clear that the field was bigger than they had
"Come on," whined Marie. "I thought this was supposed to be a short cut?" They were all
starting to come out the other side of drunkenness now, drifting into the arena of
headaches, nausea, and full bladders. Pretty soon, tempers would start to flare, and it
was only a matter of time before Maudlin Hour arrived...
"It is a short cut," said Jenna. "We're just taking too long, that's all. Let's get
a move on."
They picked up the pace, and soon they came to a large pond which was full of lily pads.
On one of the pads sat a large frog.
"Oh look," said Jenna. "Tracey, it's a frog prince! Go and kiss it, he can take us away
to live in his castle!" Tracey smirked, but made as if to walk on. "Go on," urged Jenna.
"You're always moaning about how you need a bloke. Give him a kiss. I dare you. You
never know, do you?"
"What do you mean, you never know?" said Tracey. "It's a bleedin frog! Frogs don't turn
into anything, except dead frogs and other frogs."
"She's too scared," said Jenna to Marie. "She's a big chicken, she is. Bwaaaaaaark, bwaark
bwaark bwaaark!" She walked around, flapping her arms like a chicken, albeit a very drunk,
"I'm not a chicken," sighed Tracey. "Keep quiet, you'll wake old man Watson up."
"BWAAAAAAAARK BWARK BWARK BWAAAAAAAAAAARK!"
"Fine, will you shut up if I do it?"
Jenna nodded, but stayed in the chicken-stance, just in case. Tracey sighed again, and
picked up the frog.
"Okay Mr Frog, I'm going to kiss you now, so when you turn into a prince, remember who
saved you from the evil witch's curse, and shower me with diamonds and rubies, and shag
my brains out, and stuff."
Tracey lifted the frog up, and quickly kissed it. The frog opened its mouth wide,
lightning quick, revealing razor sharp fangs, and bit Tracey right through the neck,
decapitating her. Tracey's head landed on the ground, rolling towards Jenna and Marie, who
were too stunned even to scream. Marie vomited on herself, but didn't appear to
Tracey's body stayed standing, swaying slightly. The frog leaped up on to her
still-bleeding neck stump, and plunged its legs into the raw, exposed meat. Its skin
pulsed and flowed, information and blood transferring between human and frog. Tracey's
body turned to face the other two girls, her new frog head controlling it. The body's
movements were jerky, spasmodic, like a puppet being bounced up and down on its strings.
It walked towards the girls, jerking and staggering.
"Tr- Tracey?" said Jenna, hoping for some release from this nightmare.
The frog spoke. Its voice was harsh, guttural, a vile mockery of human speech
forced through the throat of an amphibian. The words all ran together as it said
"there-is-no-more-Tracey," it roared. "there-is-only-Frog!"
The girls tried to run, but the lily pads had crept up on them while they had been
standing there, and were wrapped tightly around their legs. The FrogTracey-thing jerked
and sputtered towards them, baring its fangs, shouting as it approached.
"Froooog! Frooooooog! FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!"
For the quest - Everything Quests: Scary Stories.
Written in collaboration with JodieK - if you like this, go and read her stuff.
Or else Frog will come. Frog will come get you.
Yes, it's supposed to be funny.