Lily couldn't understand
what had made me start crying
. I couldn't take my eyes off
the last star
left in the sky
. She just kept talking about herself
, over and over again.
It was the end
of the worst
two year period of my life thus far. Friends had died, I had been abandoned
by those I loved the most
, my parents were getting a divorce and in three days I was moving to Boston
. I had premiered my first symphony
and fallen in love
with Diana. Things had begun to look up
before Lily lost it.
Every day she was crying
, begging me to take her back. This was all after she had spent 7 months manipulating
me into the ground. She came to the concert where I made my world premeire as a composer
in which my symphony was played, that was written in the memory
of a friend of mine that had died, sure; but she came wasted
. She resented
the fact that I loved music more than her
, even though I would never have a place in her heart
that came anywhere near the value she placed on herself. She left me
the week after the concert.
Then she spent all summer freaking out
because I got over her, constantly using the same old manipulations to get at me, to push my buttons
. She wouldn't let it be.
So that night, in mid-august, 1997
, I listened
to her talk for hours about herself and I watched every star in the Texas sky go out one by one
. I burst into tears
. I screamed
at her that I didn't understand why it was always about her. I told her that sometimes I wish
ed I could be like her and not care about anything other than myself.
There were only two stars
left when I had been crying for three hours
. I sat down hard on the cement
and I tried to choke out
"I only shine at night
. I'm like that star. We all have to go out
I wish I didn't shine at all, because then I wouldn't fade away
It was the last conversation
we ever really had.